Tuesday, September 30, 2008

5 Steps to Getting Rich Quick from Mumbles

Step 1 to Getting Rich: Believe the Internet

Today I decided to look into the world currency market because I found this great ad that said I could make millions in no time by trading currencies. So I started to do some research and saw that the Zimbabwean Dollar is down 100% year to date. That's phenomenal. I mean, I showed you what Liberia was like, and you guys had never heard of Chucky Taylor. But I don't know why they would be having such economic problems? I always see that Zimbabwean president in the paper and he always did really well in the polls.. He's as famous as Obama! What for, I don't know, but it seems like with a president that famous, he could get some rock bands to play a concert or something to help out the economy. But, like always, it took me 2 seconds to get distracted from my research by a wonderful advertisement that looked like this:

Step 2 to Getting Rich: Pick a Name that's Easy to Remember

Click thru for the remaining secrets to your new found wealth.

Easy to get distracted, huh? I love great advertising! Especially advertising in Africa! So when I saw millionzimbabweandollar.com, I had to click! some genius had the idea of 1 million pixels for one Zimbabwean dollar each! The million zimbabwean dollars convert to about 1/1,000 of a cent before the recent redenomination of 10 billion old ZWD to 1 new ZWD. (See pick below for actual 250 million dollar bill)

Yes, I am being serious.

Like all good ideas, they usually come from an even better one and this is no different. He stole this idea from an even better one. Milliondollarhomepage.com:

Step 3 to Getting Rich: Create a Good Logo

This guy put this page up in August 2005 as a way to pay for his studies. A 1,000 x 1,000 pixel page (million pixels) to be sold for advertising at a dollar a pixel = $1,000,000 bucks. Not a chance you say? That's why you are a still living in your parents basement and he is a millionaire. You gotta take risks! Don't you remember Gordon Gekko?

Step 4 to Getting Rich: Take Risks

He sold them all for a total of $1,037,100. In less than 5 months. By word of mouth. Pretty amazing. So that's why I'm gonna take this one step better. Millionpoundhomepage.com! Cause pounds are worth more than dollars! I know, remember...I did research! I'll be twice as rich! And if that doesn't work. I'll just turn it into a social networking site. For fat people. Like this:

Step 5 to Getting Rich: Always Have a Contingency Plan

So there you are folks, free of charge, only at
(Note to self: see Step 2 to Getting Rich Quick...)

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"Stay Classy, Chicago": Nude Portrait of Palin

The boxes are for your protection.

Some Chicago dive bar has put up a nude portrait of Sarah Palin. Now before you get all excited for whatever reason, it is just an artist's rendering and it isn't very good.

The portrait was painted by the bar owner's husband. The bar itself apparently decided to use nude paintings as its schtick, although usually the paintings are of its regulars. Gets even creepier and less erotic from there. First of all, the painting looks more like Sally Jesse Raphael got a novelty painting from one of those guys who sits outside the zoo. Second of all, this:
Despite their political differences, Elliott admits to a bit of a crush on the Alaska governor. He began painting her smile and trademark glasses, he said, before filling in the details: a gun, red high heels, polar bear rug, rugged Alaska landscape and a scared moose. His daughter, who looks a little like Palin and does a great impression of her, served as model for the governor's body.
Turned on by Palin. Fine. Using your daughter as the model for a nude of the chick you are turned on by. Not fine. Creepy. Super creepy.

Place is called the "Old Town Ale House". My old man is in town on business, so I will try and talk him into a field trip and get some on-site reporting and original pics for you folks.

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Rafaella Fico Update: Virginity Buyer Found

Milo Corretti: Teaching Americans a Lesson

Well, well...Didn't take Rafaella long to find a buyer for her virginity. Found a dirtbag in her own country, of course. Milo Coretti, a reality tv jerkoff is spending all his winnings on the one off. From an interview in Visto:
Metto sul banco l’intero montepremi che ho guadagnato con il primo posto al Grande Fratello e in piĆ¹ ho due sponsor che mi offrono i 500 mila euro mancanti, ma Raffaella Fico si deve far riprendere mentre fa sesso con me. Visto che nel terzo millennio si mercifica tutto, non credo che possa rifiutare questa offerta
WHICH MEANS: He even got two investors to pay the 500 thousand euros he didn't have! Those italians! Crazy! Paying for people to have sex with models! Virgin models at that! But seeing as this will be the first, last and only time he will ever touch a model, he is smart by DEMANDING THAT SHE LET HIM FILM IT. And sell it, of course. More as the story continues. Previous Rafaella post here with photos.

Click thru for comments.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Verne "Mini Me" Troyer : Midget Masochist

Dominique Arganese : Loves Screwing Midgets

But at least her predilection for petite people has landed her a job. Arganese will be starring in Jeff Beacher's new show, "Beacher's Burlesque," opening on Halloween in a yet-to-be-determined casino in Las Vegas. "She's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, and as soon as I heard she was sleeping with every midget in town, I knew she was perfect for my show," Beacher told Page Six.
I'm sure you hate Verne "Mini Me" Troyer as much as I do. Anyone that spends as much time with gloriously unfunny Mike Myers has to be worth despising. Apparently, not only is he less than 3 feet tall, he also a masochist as evidenced by his love of dating women as much as 2.5 times taller than him. That are hot.

I guess he tells himself they're in love with the #1 mini. The tiniest third leg known to man. I wonder what his penis' nickname is. Now that would be news! More of Verne's exes that are way hotter than yours after the jump.

Dominique and Troyer in happier, but shorter times.

Dominique apparently has a thing for the little dudes. She recently hopscotched her way into the bed of Jackass star, Wee Man. He is obviously much cooler and doesn't look like a full grown aborted baby.

So I understand this career move. I guess Dominique didn't see Mini Me's sex tape that was leaked on the internet by his superwhore of an ex-girlfriend, Ranae Schrider or she would have known he wasn't so great in the sack. Troyer later sued Shrider for emotional distress alleging she repeatedly abused him. From Verne's lawyer, "When you pick up a 2'8" human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts." Damn, that's some kinky shit.

Ranae Shrider: Superwhore.

But alas, poor old Verne, always thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the ho fence, ditched his first lady, who in my opinion is the hottest one of all, for a long line of she-bitch devil women. I hope you are better at choosing scripts than you are at women! Oh wait, you're not!

Genevieve Gallen : Married for Love

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Sunday, September 28, 2008

Silly Pirates, Tanks are for Troops

Pirates seek to steal any sort of resource, even ice

There is a reason why you never read about the kind of glamorous super-crimes so popular in American pop culture: smart people generally don't become crooks. For the most part, the trait they most cash in on is not intelligence but lack of morals. Simply ignoring laws is what allows them to make a living, not any particular skill in avoiding them. The reason laws work is because the vast majority of us agree to follow them. So, with few exceptions criminals are simply too stupid to make money any other way. This also makes them easy to catch and often results in their generally lower-than-average lifespan.

Case in point, off the Somali coast last week, a group of pirates seized a Ukrainian cargo ship carrying T-72 battle tanks. Thirty-three tanks, in fact, due for Kenya. One can assume that this was not part of an official pirating business plan, but merely a random attack whose results were as big a surprise for the pirates as for everyone else.

(...continued after the break...)

I can only imagine the discussion that must have occurred during the post-raid inventorying process:
Pirate 1: "Uh, I am in the hold... and you guys gotta see this."
Pirate 2: "Oh yeah? Find some good shit?"
Pirate 1: "I found something alright."
Pirate 2: "Booty?"
Pirate 1: "Heh. No. Tanks."
Pirate 2: "Tanks of what?"
Pirate 1: "No. Tanks! Tank-Tanks."
Pirate 2: "I fucking heard you say tanks, douche bag. Saying it louder or over and over doesn't help."
Pirate 1: "Fucking tanks! Blitzkrieg! George Patton! Eastwood and Sutherland in Kelly's Heros! Bang-bang!"
Pirate 2: "Wow."
Pirate 1: "Yeah... how we going to sell this shit? I was hoping for Tivos."
In an orgy of optimism, the pirates originally demanded the equivalent of $35 million dollars in ransom for the tanks and the ship's crew. First, nobody gives a shit about the crew. Second, nobody is going to let the pirates go anywhere with 33 tanks. The US already has a destroyer monitoring the ship. Why? Apparently this pirating is a known problem and the Americans keep naval forces in the area in case a ship we give a shit about runs into trouble. This article claims there are currently 14 captured ships being ransomed in the area. That is some Black Beard-era shit, right there.

So now the pirates have a US warship on their ass. And that is the least of their problems. In addition to two other european warships also shadowing the moored cargo ship, it appears that the US ship is just watching to make sure nothing happens. Waiting. Waiting for what? This:
Russian navy spokesman Capt. Igor Dygalo reportedly said that the missile frigate Neustrashimy left the Baltic Sea port of Baltiisk a day before the hijacking to cooperate with other unspecified countries in anti-piracy efforts. The ship was then ordered directly to the Somalian coast after Thursday's attack.
The Russians are coming. This is extremely bad news for pirates. And hostages. 

Currently, the hostages serve as human shields in the more general meaning of the term where their mere presence deters action. If the Russians arrive, they will storm the ship and the term will become much more literal. As in, their bodies may stop some of the bullets. But that just means the Russians will bring and shoot more bullets. My advice to pirates, get the fuck out of dodge.

But, recall my original point: criminals are stupid. By the end of the week expect to read about some dead pirates.

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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Information Overload 1: Polling

Screw what I said in my last post: too much information is awesome! Makes me feel so smart to be more informed than other people. Even better, with the internet I don't even need to think about anything, I just need to find someone who already did the thinking, all the research and analysis. It is like being omniscient. 

This week, I introduce a new feature dedicated to these people who think about the little things so we don't have to. For first installment, I introduce Mark Blumenthal whose information will allow you to speak intelligently on political polling, a currently hot topic based heavily in math and other boring stuff which none of us are going to take the time to fuck with. This topic is great in conversation because it allows you to talk about politics without pissing anyone off. Talking intelligently about the foundations of assumptions makes you sound smart to both sides. Of course, you can use it to make a fool of someone you disagree with, should you so desire.

Blumenthal writes columns all over the place, but the lion's share of his wisdom is available at his site, Pollster.com, and the best insider info is available on the blog there. The general public understanding of polls is that you can find one that will say whatever you want, and that seems to be generally a truism. But the fact of the matter is that we are presented with summaries of polls in the form of news reports on the polls. The data is there, deep and valuable data rife with meaning and import. But all we get is "Obama and McCain in statistical dead heat". 

Pollster.com helps tweak out the important shit. Just reading the daily update over there will make you far more informed than the average American. Even better is that Blumenthal does not limit his analysis to high political drama, he has recently discussed the public opinion polls on the government bailout and, my personal favorite, "Cell Phone Only Households by State" and discusses the 2-3% affect that has on presidential preferences. The "cell phone only" crowd is a great smart talking point, because it messes up their numbers because they need to figure out who it is that they are missing:
Pollsters have long understood that the cell phone only population -- those who have cell phone but no landline telephone service -- tend to be younger, and that the growth of that population has made it more difficult to reach 18-29-year olds. However, the conventional wisdom among pollsters has held that weighting by age could mostly alleviate any potential bias, as they did they did in 2004.
Pollster.com will help you understand what these discrepancies are and how they polls are compensating. In an election this close, these things could be the difference between a dead-heat poll that results in a landslide election.
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Friday, September 26, 2008

Wealth of Information, Poverty of Attention

342,00 is too many reviews of nail clippers

I suffer from it myself. Information overload. Analysis paralysis. A need to gather as much information as possible before making a decision. With near-infinite information only a Google search away, it is easy to get lost in research and never get around to actually making the decision. The topic of how successful people make rapid, profitable choices has received its own fair share of research lately.

Malcom Gladwell wrote about making quick, instinctive decisions in his popular recent book Blink. The "blink" can be the ability for a mind to process information subconsciously and quickly recommend action, such as a fire fighter sensing that something wasn't right with room and ordering everyone out before it collapsed in flame. But Gladwell also described a concept called "thin-slicing" where experts use narrow information that education and experience has taught them are determining factors in making the right choices.
[A new book and old studies on the subject after the jump]

Jonah Lehrer, author of Proust was a Neuroscientist, has a forthcoming book on the subject called How We Decide. He discusses the overarching concept of how we decide in the context of Warren Buffet this week at his blog, the Frontal Cortex. In it he cites a psychological study from the late 1980s performed on MIT business students:
[Psychologist Paul] Andreassen let the students select a portfolio of stock investments. Then he divided the students into two groups. The first group could only see the changes in the prices of their stocks. They had no idea why the share prices rose or fell, and had to make their trading decisions based on an extremely limited amount of data. In contrast, the second group was given access to a steady stream of financial information. They could watch CNBC, read The Wall Street Journal and consult experts for the latest analysis of market trends.
The limited information group performed almost twice as well as the informed group, who became distracted by gossip and rumors. The more informed group engaged in far more buying and selling, were far more volatile, while the limited information group stayed focused on performing stocks. Too much information made one group over-confident.

It should be noted that the value of "unconscious cognition" is very much debated. Richard Posner, whose blog I have previously recommended and whom I described as one of the biggest brains on the internet, didn't think much of Gladwell's argument when he reviewed Blink in The New Republic: 
Taken together, these literatures demonstrate the importance of unconscious cognition, but their findings are obscured rather than elucidated by Gladwell's parade of poorly understood yarns. He wants to tell stories rather than to analyze a phenomenon.
Posner certainly has a dog in the fight, being very much an advocate of conscious cognition, but he stopped short of poo-pooing the entire concept of Blink out of hand, choosing instead to lambaste Gladwell's approach to it. The door remains open for Lehrer to produce a more convincing argument, although my experience with Lehrer to date suggests he writes very much in the Gladwell mold. Which isn't a bad thing, considering how many books Gladwell has sold. But is not likely to impress a Richard Posner.
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Roman Fiddle Symphony to meet in Washington

A transcript of tonight's speech by President Bush:
I address you tonight, not as the President of the United States, not as a Leader of a Country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges, the bible calls this day Armageddon.

The end of all things, and yet for the first time in the history of the Planet, a species has the technology to prevent it’s own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge, every step up the ladder of science, every adventurous reach into space all of our combined modern techologies and imaginations, even the wars we fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle.

Through all the chaos that is our history, through all of the wrong and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our time. There is one thing that has nursed our souls and elevated our species above its orgins and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls travelling into the heavens and may we all citizens all oversee these events through.

Godspeed and good luck to you.
Well, that was more or less it. One of the most unpopular presidents in recent times has invited the leaders of the most unpopular congress in history (and two members of that congress applying for his job) to Washington to attempt to negotiate a bipartisan solution. Reaching out to publicly invite Obama was a good move, I thought.

With a thousand ways to fuck this up and probably only a handful of ways to get it right, I would actually be more comfortable if Bruce Willis and Owen Wilson were invited. But not Ben Affleck.

UPDATE: What the prediction market has to say after the break.

Intrade price for US Government bailout plan to be passed by Congress by 9/30/2008

They seem generally positive, although easily spooked. In other words, typical.
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T-Mobile G1 Android Phone

Google Phone, the "G1", in beta and final versions.

Looks like iPhone users can feel comfortable in having the most practical, coolest and most expensive gadget on the cellphone market for a little while longer. Gizmodo gives a detailed rundown after getting their hands on one and calls it "schizophrenic" in the control department. The post even comes complete with video walkthrough. But hey, its $179 bucks and has that cool sidekick like feature, however it slides instead of flips.

But it's the free applications that are really supposed to get consumers interested. So, Forrest, is the app written by Sergey Brin himself that monitors how long it is in the air everytime it is dropped enough to get you to switch teams? Gizmodo
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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Life Lessons By Mumbles

Things worth Mumbling.

I'm the guy that's drunk in your dreams.

I am a professional amateur.

I leave an interesting first impression, it's the one you remember when I leave that sucks.

Immortals are dying not to sleep. Mortals are dying to sleep forever.

I need a lifecoach, cause my team is fucking losing.

Accidents are faster than on purpose is.

Click through for many more after the jump.

Your innocence danced like a ballerina between the curls of your hair. hope didnt move, i stayed Still and watched the beauty that was you.

She was a lost cause waiting in hopeless romance.

Solitude is a special emotional place. It’s one of the only times where we can feel both happy and sad at exactly the same time.

The difference between world terror and and world triumph is "Why am I here" vs. "Why are we here."

far side...

After losing future wife and therefore, the possibility of fatherhood, the man developed a strange fascination for the consumation of eggs.

I felt like an adult invited to a McDonald's birthday party. Everyone was happy and laughing and all I could think of was, "Where's the booze?"

Why do we need words when we communicate so well without them?

Superman acid.

Heart breaks are made for those that have souls made of stone in the first place.

Free whiskey makes you fall in love in a different way.

Hope doesn't wait for faith, the soldiers lie within.

Bread is a napkin you can eat.

I waited so long to die this early.

Life is not a wine glass, when it breaks, the blood is lost forever.

A woman is a handful of whiskey with a tumbler of regret.

The best doctor said, the only thing I want to heal is a broken heart.

I made short work of a fascinating life.

I don't need to leave the house; cause when I'm sleeping, I'm all over the place.

I was so fucked up when I arrived in New York, I thought I was at the dentist office.

Heaven isn't Harvard.

I danced in the living rooms of your mind.(Chuso)

Would it bother you if you didn't give me your number but I still called you?

If you don't know whats going to happen; don't be surprised when it does.

Killing each other casually, we walked forward into the the year that would leave me looking backwards.

I can listen and drop things at the same time.

The mainstream only throws us down the river.

Excuses are answering machines for other people problems.

My love is the kind of shit they make bombs out of.

I am the ill advantages of the softer side of hell.

I'm not the child satisfaction killed.

The closest she’ll get, is close to me.

dead flowers are wisdom's sorrows.

But the things that are torturous will. Just ask Sarte, Jews and my new favorite hero! The Earl of Rochester.


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Day of the Jackass 3: The Moron Identity

Only this guy would have been arrested faster

So, another would-be-assassin grabbed at the last moment before tragedy. Apparently, he didn't read the earlier Day of the Jackass and Day of the Jackass 2: Attack of the Clowns posts, because he committed what has become the Achilles Heel of modern assassination attempts: speaking at length to law enforcement personnel immediately prior to the attack. 

According to the Chicago Sun Times, a man in his 30s showed up at the security checkpoint near Barack Obama's Chicago residence at about 5am this morning. He engaged in a rambling discussion with the officer on duty apparently trying to convince the cop that he was there to talk Obama into giving him a job:
Sources said the man inquired about getting a job, spoke about how he was a victim of crime and discussed how he was happy that an African-American was running for president. The man, a convicted felon, is African-American.
He gets points for a jump on the morning schedule, but the cop still told him to pack sand. He drove away, but then came back at which point the cops decided to arrest him and found a gun and bulletproof jacket in his car. The Secret Service really draws the line at weapons and armor.

Photo Credit: mugshotdujour.com (Note: if you are the guy from the photo and have a problem with its use, you should contact them. Seriously, I am terrified of you.)
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Get your peek on: Florian Bohm's "Wait for Walk"

The is something wicked and appealing in voyerism. I mean voyerism in the regular, non-Peeping Tom, meaning of watching people who are unaware of your scrutiny. I can't tell if I like it because it makes me feel powerful or sneaky or if it just fulfills an intense desire to stare at people in a way that would involve the cops if done openly.

When I worked in Manhattan, I would take my lunches in Madison Square Park and just watch people at the corners, crossing the street. I was fascinated by the phenomenon of the pause button being pushed on the mad dash most NYC residents are usually in. Suddenly, they are forced to stop and wait, and the window into the individual was awesome. Some would bounce from foot to foot, waiting for a break in traffic. Some would whip out a cell phone or a cigarette. Others stare into space or at the walk light, waiting like a sprinter for the starting gun.

I stumbled across a book, based on a photo collection, which directly appeals to that guilty (and somewhat creepy) pleasure. Wait for Walk, by Florian Bohm, captures New Yorkers like those in the picture at the top of the post. The thing I like best about these pictures is that the are filled with generic characters; we all know the three people in the picture at the top, if not those three people specifically. You can probably see them from your desk. So indulge your inner voyer; check at the photos available at the photographer's site or at this online gallery. Get your peek on.

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Sarah Palin, The Photoshop Friendly Candidate

Sarah Palin did NOT attend the Emmy Awards.

So what's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Pitbulls don't use dildos! Sarah Palin does, as evidenced by the large golden phallus she holds up at a women's rights rally in Ohio. Go women's rights! Yeah! Click through for the rest of the story.

No but seriously, in today's New York Post, I saw a photo of her holding up an oversized tube of lipstick with her name on it. The caption read, "Lip Service: Sarah Palin reaches for a giant tube of lipstick, the unofficial symbol of her VP campaign..." She's making the photoshopping too easy.

With the two previous photoshopped photos that made rampant rounds on the internet, one has to ask, will this be the new rickroll? Will she be the most photoshopped candidate in VP history? Is this the internets sincerest form of flattery? Only time will tell. NY Post

from Snopes

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News you may have missed

Metallica fan's beard before the release of Death Magnetic.

Oh, boy. How many Metallica fans does it take to prove the bands modern day irrelevance? Apparently, only one. Metallica fan and uber-dork Mick Cassidy got all of England in a tizzy after finally shaving his 2 year old beard. Rest of story and more news you may have missed after the jump.

Cassidy had promised not to shave or ever get touched by a girl until his beloved Metallica released another album of their current crap. Well, alas, the album dropped Septemeber 12, 2008 and Metallia frontman wasn't doing anything important seeing as their last good record came out 17 YEARS AGO and went over and shaved the douchebag's beard for him. WTF does Death Magnetic even mean? Magnetized to death? If you want to see his real photodiary (yes he kept a photo diary) click here.Telegraph UK

Metallic fan after shaving beard and reveling with bottle of tequila.

Also, North Carolina proves its citizens are dumber than the citizens of South Carolina this past week by a cashier at the local Food Lion grocery store accepting a $200 dollar "Bush Bill" for $150 dollars in groceries. And the retard gave him the 50 bucks in change. Look closely at the back for the sign that says "We like broccoli." From the Smoking Gun

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Sunday, September 21, 2008

MILF pressured by government forces

MILF fighters, fleeing government forces, break for refreshments

In one of the greatest opening paragraphs in journalistic history, the Strategy Page covers the recent government crackdown on the MILF:
Groups of rogue MILF fighters are wandering around the south, looking for food, and fighting back when they encounter police or troops. [...] The rogue MILF groups (about ten percent of the total MILF) are improvising, but are unable to pull off this portraying themselves as victims bit. In the last ten days, the army has seized several MILF camps, putting over a thousand of their inhabitants on the run.
No reports on the current whereabouts of the cougars. Make sure you know the difference, it could save your life.

MILF stands for Moro Islamic Liberation Front, in this instance.
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Saturday, September 20, 2008

Nelly Beer Ad With Brad Pitt as Spokesman

I guess life has gotten a little boring at the Brangelina household. This clip is old but I missed it, has Brad Pitt as Chester Nelly in cowboy regalia schtupping for Nelly Breweries and telling you things that will or won't happen upon drinking or not drinking it. Some highlights:

"If you don't drink Nelly Beer, Kobe Bryant will keep on raping women."

"When a girl passes out on Nelly beer, she rarely wakes up, even when her clothes are being removed."

"This beer is so cheap, it's even served during Yom Kippur."

Video after the jump.

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Friday, September 19, 2008


What Rambo looks like now...
If you paste his head on Kim Jong Il's naked body, that is.

WTF? Rambo 5? Hollywood finally pulled their heads out of their asses and is starting to make real movies again! Enough of that arty, cutsie, love bug movies! I want some blood! And so does Rambo, cause he's like 80 and is in need of dialysis twice a day. Rambo V will focus on him wheeling himself around and pitifully asking, "Donate blood to a war veteran? Donate blood, please sir?" It will be reality TV at its worse. And 2 hours long. And you have to pay $11.50 to see it. Hey, but at least they didn't have to pay Stallone to write another winner of a script!

[SPOILER ALERT: Rambo dies at the end! What you think anyone is gonna pay attention to a B-List has been long enough to donate blood? Gimme a break people, this is Hollywood!]

I like to think back when Rambo was awesome. Taking a gander at the Rambo death chart helps do that, even though it reminds me that Rambo only killed one person in the first one. Don't believe me? Click through for the stats.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Best Non-Wikipedia Pedia Websites

Wired published a good article a while back on these sites. A non wikipedia website is a wikipedia looking site that allows free editing. Some of these sites are pointless. But for the fanaticism in you, whether it be chicks, dicks (you'll see) or the hit show Lost, then these are for you. I personally enjoy the conspiracy theorists oriented, Tin-Wiki, but some think I'm batshit crazy, sooo... Links and examples and more sites after the jump.

So for example, you have these wonderful excerpts (click on pictures for larger version):

Chikipedia: For the desperate desire that you all have for finding swinging, swagging tits and asses, this is for you. Comes complete with all their info (no telephone numbers, stalkers) and their measurements cause you will never ever get close enough to even guess for yourself!

Dealipedia: which gives you all merger and acquisition activity as well as the metric of investment versus disinvestment that may or may not show you that your FRESH idea wasn't so fresh after all.

Dickipedia: Stop it. This site isn't for the Gays! It's for the assholes! Don't worry, you won't ever be rich or famous enough to get on here. Not alot of content, so get to writing. How can their not be an entry on Dane Cook? Come on, people!

Congresspedia: Has a nice ring to it, huh? If you ever wanna understand what the hell Skippomac's talking about in his high falutin, high brow posts (I still don't so how so many people think I am the author of his posts, I got a reputation to keep up, people!) then this site could be a good start. It's not limited to just people, as shown by the image below.

Wookiepedia: For those of you who have constantly been searching for nerdipedia.com to no avail, then this site is for you. Everything you need to know about George "Jerkoff" Lucas in one convenient place. So you never have to leave the house. To even go to the library. And maybe interact with a human being. I really love Ewoks, though. When I get rich im gonna get a nice one and a little monkey and a little horse. I think I'll make the Ewok the boss. And get me beers, of course.

Lostipedia: I have to admit, I'm addicted to this show. I'll probably get a bottle of whiskey tonight and sit around and read the site and rewatch from season 1. I know, I'm a loser. Sun is so hot and she even speaks English!

Uncyclopedia: This is where I am going to start going when a post isn't "sexy" enough. Skippomac's always telling me, "Mumbles, when I read your posts, I wanna see Sexy!" Uncyclopedia is a parody of an encyclopedia. Sure none of the shit is true, but it's a lot more entertaining than boring old Wikipedia.

Tin-Wiki: My favorite! All kinds of shit on here to keep you up at night! With it's first post ever being the Anti-Masonic Party to it's most recent being on Coast to Coast AM, the radio talk show relating to paranormal activity or conspiracy theory related topics. Calling all freaks! It's also a source for my research as evidenced by the previous posts SCIENCE EXPLAINED: BLACK HOLE GENERATOR OR LARGE HADRON COLLIDER and Plum Island of Dr. Moreau.

What gives with the Rolling Stones page being deleted? Hmmm....

Wired also posted Pedialyte, but that's just stupid. If you wanna see their list, which pales in comparison to mine (I added Tin-Wiki!), go here.

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UPDATE: Election Prediction Markets

If you found my earlier post on prediction markets of interest, I highly encourage you to visit the Becker-Posner Blog. Written by two of America's biggest brains, it is probably THE most intelligent blog on the internet. This week, they have taken up the topic of Prediction Markets themselves and provide actual whole-ass analysis on the topic. This point, although obvious, was particularly salient:
One problem with prediction markets, a problem that occurred on the day of the 2004 presidential election, is that a market can swing on the basis of unreliable information until the information is corrected.
He also points to this week's silliness with United Airlines as another example. Anyway, if the topic interests you, the discussion is over there is rich, but very satisfying.

Intrade has also increased its graphical offerings. More »

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Lost and Found: David Foster Wallace

Photo courtesy of Gawker.com

I had no idea who David Foster Wallace was a week ago. I heard the name once, but the great body of his work fell outside the borders of my knowledge. Then, on Friday, Wallace died. Committed suicide, actually, something that seems to happen far too often with great writers. I became aware when I saw the announcement of his passing on Saturday while keeping tabs on college football via Yahoo's web page. I Googled his name but saw nothing familiar so I went back to the sports page. Over that evening and into Sunday, I observed various kinds of tributes appear; Facebook postings in my email, Google status messages under the names of my friends, news tickers on TV, everywhere I looked. On Monday, my curiosity got the best of me and began digging around for information.

(My discoveries, observations and links after the jump)

Full articles and tributes had begun to appear and painted the picture of a well-liked and phenomenally talented author. He was as essayist, one of those guys who writes the amazing stuff written in high-class mags like Harper's, Time and The Atlantic. His biggest critical acclaim came as a result of his epic novel Infinite Jest, which I obviously haven't read since Monday and, at over 1000 pages, I have to admit that I don't plan on reading anytime soon. His articles are readily available, however, and I was impressed with the first Wallace paragraph I ever read from his essay The Compliance Branch:
My audit group's Group Manager and his wife have an infant I can describe only as fierce. Its expression is fierce; its demeanor is fierce; its gaze over bottle or pacifier or finger-fierce, intimidating, aggressive. I have never heard it cry. When it feeds or sleeps, its pale face reddens, which makes it look all the fiercer. On those workdays when our Group Manager, Mr. Yeagle, brought it in to the District office, hanging papoose-style in a nylon device on his back, the infant appeared to be riding him as a mahout does an elephant. It hung there, radiating authority. Its back lay directly against Mr. Yeagle's, its large head resting in the hollow of its father's neck and forcing our Group Manager's head out and down into a posture of classic oppression.
That paints a pretty vivid picture and impressed me immediately. One of the hardest things I find to do in my own writing is to recount or describe the mundane in a manner that is interesting and vivid.

I don't want to drag this on, but, aside from the general Wikipedia entry, there are hundreds of tributes to him should you want to learn more. Some of the more interesting: legendary publishing house McSweeney's has dedicated it's site to posting reader's personal memories of Wallace; John Hodgman, as is his wont, finds fascination in Wallace's minutiae; Paul Collins offers a look at Wallace through the eyes of those who revered him; and, finally, Levi Asher makes observations on those making observations on Wallace's passing.

FURTHER READING: You can join me in discovering the writings of Wallace by virtue of some of the magazines which published his work and have the class to offer them for free in honor of his passing:

Harper's Magazine: David Foster Wallace: In memoriam.
Time Magazine: The Journalism of David Foster Wallace

UPDATE: Also, here is some lighter reading for my fellow lazy-asses:
Salon.com: Interview
WikiQuote: Selections of some passages

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Raffella Fico Auctions Virginity, Italy Screams Bastardo!

Yet another girl in almost 2 weeks is selling her virginity. Last week Natalie Dylan announced she was going to auction of her virginity to pay for college. So far, highest bid is $50,000. Good luck with that one, dogface! My guess Raffella Fico, an italian showgirl and model, will do much better. Photos after the jump.

Natalie "Dogface" Dylan: $50,000

Rafella "Right On" Fico: $1,000,000 Euros

Telegraph UK
Dogface Dylan


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