Monday, September 8, 2008


The world's largest particle accelerator complex, Large Hadron Collider (aka Black Hole Generator), will go online at 9 am European time or 3 am (EST) this Wednesday, September 10, 2008. Or, right after most of you are throwing up in your shoe, or striking out for the last time of your life, the world will end because it will silently implode.

Scientists will recreate what a happened a millionth of a millionth of a second after the start of where conditions then will be just as they were 13.7 billion years ago, at the start of the Big Bang. (the beginning of the universe or multiverse, whatever your beliefs) Essentially, they will try to recreate the Big Bang. Now, I've always thought that adjective (big) should be a little bigger. It was an explosion that was so large it turned everything in its existence on it's fucking head. Rewrote laws of science and a million other things that we don't understand and caused things to happen we have yet to even discover.

Well, seeing as we weren't around to witness it, Scientists are going to do the next best thing, RECREATE IT...ON TUESDAY...IN FRANCE. Technically it's in both Switzerland and France but at least when shit goes wrong, France will get it first. Explanation and video after the jump.

Scientist will cause to groups of particles traveling at the speed of light(nearly) to collide head on. About 40 million of these collisions will happen per second in a tunnel that will be chilled to temperatures colder than outerspace 330 ft underground of shopping malls, churches and McDonald's and shit. All that stuff that is relegated to outer space will now be taking place under a McDonald's.

Here are some of the concerns as outlined by the geniuses at

"What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Well, first imagine an apocalyptic nuclear holocaust. Multiply that by about one hundred and twenty thousand billion, and then multiply that by around the neighborhood of infinity. That equals around one eighth of the magnitude of the Big Bang. So, Basically It's Like...Imagine you have a huge tanker truck parked outside a children's hospital. You don't know what's inside it, but you're fairly confident that it's either a cure for cancer, or 20,000 gallons of explosive nitroglycerin. To find out which, you have to shoot at it with an AK-47."


Most scientists agree that this experiment will not be the cause of doomsday here on Earth, however some do fear of such. Arnon Dara, b, A. De R├║julaa and Ulrich Heinza, three uber-geniuses who wrote the paper "Will relativistic heavy-ion colliders destroy our planet?" say that this scenario cannot be ruled out "without a shadow of a doubt." If I was gonna do something that might destroy the universe as we know it, I'd wait till I pulled the trigger until I knew for sure. But what do I know, watching things like this occupies my living brain cells.

So mark your clocks, Wednesday should make for either an interesting news day or for none at all.

If you didn't understand any of this, then watch the rap, she spells it out pretty clear.

Article at Cracked
Article at Telegraph UK

Edit: Cern has now posted a live webcast to the end of the world.


Dale Bookout said...

Ooops. Ok, so it's not September 10, 2008. They'll turn it on, but "It will still be about a month before beams traveling in opposite directions are brought together in collisions that some skeptics fear could create micro "black holes" and endanger the planet."


Skippomac said...

Its gotta warm up. Like my Dad's TV. SCIENCE!!

Dale Bookout said...

Of course I have to go to Russia to get news for Switzerland...Date is now October 21, 2008 for proposed mass destruction.RIA Novosti

Unknown said...

can we make it november?? ..i love holloween

Skippomac said...

The holidays are nice, too. How is January looking for you guys?