Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Chucky Taylor: American Warlord

Charles "Chuckie" Taylor, Jr., the American transplant to Liberia who has been accused of murdering thousands will be the first American citizen to be tried for torture abroad in a US court. This is the son of Charles Taylor Sr., one of Africa's most savage dictators, not that white guy that was a really good shoe salesman. Although, they do look alike.

Details and more after the jump.

The story starts with Charles Sr. meeting Mother in Bentley College outside of Boston and doing the nasty, which spawned something nasty, in return. Those were the 70s and protests were high. Charles soon forgot of his economics degree and began protesting with other Liberian East Coast Activists. He soon ditches his baby's momma and three whining rugrats for the beautiful country of Liberia.

Liberia is in the continent of Africa. (The red represents bloodshed)

Charles Sr. began building his domain from the remnants of their long running civil war. Playing the political everyman, he was shaman to the tribal groups and Baptist minister to the religious. While Sr. was doing this and dressing his bodyguards in pearl necklaces and painted fingernails, Charles Jr. was living the American Dream, doing drugs, listening to rap music and getting arrested.

Once Sr. had his empire built with mansions and multiple wives, he made the phone call one Christmas to the family he hadn't seen in a decade and invited them to an all expense paid trip to visit Daddy in Liberia. The mother surprisingly said yes. (You know the saying, "You can take a whore out the whorehouse but...) I guess the fishing was just too good to pass up.

Yum, yum, gimme some.

So after seeing all this glorious goodness, Chucky went back to America, commenced to doing more drugs, listening to more rap and getting arrested again. Oh yeah, he also got a girlfriend, Lynn. Chucky was looking at doing three years, so like any good mother, she packed him up and sent him to his father in Liberia as a fugitive. At the age of 17.

Let's just say, shit hit the fan real quick for ole Chucky and he learned Liberia ain't no joke. Kill or be killed and all that jazz. Seeing as raping women and killing people are as common as taking a piss, Chucky took at least 10 pisses a day.

During one of his coke fueled hallucinations Chucky came up with the idea of the Anti-Terrorist Unit. It would be the most savage group of soldiers Africa had ever seen. He set up the training facility in Gbtal which was also known Cobra Base (sounds like some G.I. Joe shit...) The interrogation facility was ingeniously titled the "College of Knowledge.) All hopefuls who attended the facility had to endure "Zero Week" where it was not uncommon to see trainers perform the classic magic trick, saw a woman in half! However, they often substituted a woman with a trainee and the saw for a machine gun. Some others "were burned alive over flaming barrels of gasoline."

At some point his high school girlfriend came to live with him (can you fucking believe it!) in a 2-story mansion by the ocean where they had a child. With his increasing cocaine problems, his idea of greatness soared and started dabbling in the blood diamond trade after befriending an Israeli arms dealer named Leonid Minin who REALLY knew how to party. In 2000 the Italian police found Minin in his hotel room with four prostitutes, 58 grams of cocaine, $25,000 in cash and $500,000 in diamonds. And two shoes.

So then all hell broke loose. Chucky's picture perfect family fell apart. His old lady left him. Father was about to be overthrown. So he ran. To Paris. And then you'll never guess what happened!

HE RECORDED A RAP ALBUM! HAHAHAHAH! [UPDATE: To hear track, see follow up post here.]

With such awesomely unique lyrics, such as: "Take this for free/Six feet under is where you gonna be."

Man, I can't believe that didn't take off for him.

Then his ass got thrown in jail by a whole slew of human rights groups. He converted to Islam and blah blah blah. Same old shit. There is a good quote that the author, Johnny Dwyer, came up with that I'll leave you with.

"The nation that Charles Taylor and his son left behind is like a drunk uncle who has finally dried out: broke, unemployed and prone to maudlin binges of self-destruction."

Well said, Johnny.


Liberia literally means, "Land of the Free." The country was conceived in 1816 in America as a place to put the freed slaves. Slavery is still active in Liberia.

Liberian Flag

Miss Liberia

Liberian National Anthem

Link to abbreviate article, you gotta by the mag if you want the whole thing. Rolling Stone

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