Monday, March 29, 2010

Fill in the Blank: Marmaduke = Dog _ _ _ _

Owen Wilson! Keifer Sutherland! Fergie! All in one movie! My Dreams have come true! Oh's about dogs? No...they are dogs? No...they are the voices of dogs? Oh, then this movie must be dogshit. Seriously, this must be one step of the 12 in dealing with addiction cause i see no reason why this pill popper/alcoholic/meth whore (respectively) would ever sign on to do a movie like this. I mean, come on, if George Lopez is invited to the party going to the party should not be an option. A drive by, yes, devoting a few months of your life in voice over work is a definite no.I would rather get mouth raped with a crowbar than sit through this piece of shit. But me a favor and watch the trailer while nodding in agreement. More »

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hard Ticket to Hawaii Online

Wow, this movie is awesome. A piece of cinematic genius that makes Die Hard look like a home movie. IMDB summarizes the movie as follows:

Two drug enforcement agents are killed on a private Hawaiian island. Donna and Taryn, two operatives for The Agency, accidentally intercept a delivery of diamonds intended for drug lord Seth Romero, who takes exception and tries to get them back. Soon other Agency operatives get involved, and a full-scale fight to the finish ensues, complicated here and there by an escaped snake made deadly by Toxic Waste!

If they wanted to be more accurate they should have said:

Two big breasted Playboy Playmates (Dona Speir,March 1984 & Hope Marie Carlton July 1985) hang with 2 badasses, one of which whose name is "Rowdy Abilene" who track down bad guy druglords, actions scenes have razor bladed frisbees and crack dialogue such as, "If brains were bird crap, your cage would be clean."

They ingeniously reshow ALL the nude scenes (of which there are plenty) during the credits. That's the way to keep'em in their seats. The DVD even has easter eggs or hidden footage (of fifteen seconds of naked chicks) that the normal viewer wouldn't know about. (This is just for serioous pervs but to access go to Main Menu, highlight Bonus Features and press right.) The director Andy Sidaris is very loyal to the girl/gun genre. This is one of his first films so he has yet to perfect the art of...well, directing. To get an idea of how awesomely bad the character/action scenes are in this movie watch the clip after the jump. And I even found a copy you can watch online so you don't have to witness the embarrassment that comes with the snobbish video clerk silently judging you behind his zits and glasses. I'm telling you, I haven't witnessed anything this bad since my elementary school rendition of Little Donkey in the third grade. Enjoy.

Watch Hard Ticket to Hawaii online streaming, HERE.

Other mumbletomyneighbor movie reviews, go HERE.
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Friday, March 26, 2010

Found a pretty cool blog thats great for one click boredom and a chuckle. That is all. Have a good weekend.

From Reddit. More »

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

How to Make It In America - Dopest Ass Theme Song on TV (Aloe Blacc, Good Things)

There have been quite a few good shows that have started up recently. I really like White Collar, Justified, Human Target and now, How To Make It In America. Especially since Margarita Levieva has joined the cast. She's really hot. In case you don;'t know anything about the show I would say its produced by Mark Wahlberg and is similar to Entourage in the sense that it is about a group of young friends coming upon the age of success. Oh, and it's sat in New York not in the horrible Los Ang-e-les. Oh and it has the dopest theme song I've heard in a long time. Video up above. Click through for more on Margarita. Also, you know what Marky Mark was doing before producing TV shows and making big hollywood movies? He was making hilarious workout videos. Thats after the jump too. Enjoy.

Now this scares the shit out of me. They are yelling and screaming at the beautiful woman. If they started tazing her I would think she was a heifer at an auction

To check out the hilarious workout video, go HERE.
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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Make A Shoot to Win Arcade Game From Trash

This is not supposed to be your girlfriend.

A friend of mine at work got this little mini hoops thing that was not being put to use, so seeing as I have no social life and ample loads of duck tape and loads of love for the only Canadian worth his salt (MacGyver) I decided to figure out how to turn it into one of my favorite childhood games. Shoot To Win. You know, the thing at Chucky Cheese where you have to make the basket but never could, cause you were smaller than everyone else and rolled off your fingers like a little pansy? Well, at least it did for me.

Fear no more.

Now you can make your own after the instructional provided after the jump. And you can place it as close as you want! No more far away shots that you'll never make. no worries about tickets you can't buy beer with. It serves to build your confidence and everything.
All you need is a mini hoop, some ducktape and some drunken ingenuity. It works quite well and I am a MacGyver genius. Especially after you see the video after the jump as proof. Just kidding I am not quite well. But you'll be surprised at the result.

So it starts off by getting your mini hoop. Get that affixed it to a chair. Any chair that you used to have that no one will be using because no one uses any chairs in your house except your recliner that you sleep, shave and watch TV in. Oh, and it has to be wood. Guess they call them dinner chairs? Table chairs cause they are around a table? Whatever, I don't use them anymore. I forget. Better if it's wood and has slats, you'll need this to create the wire hanger guides which will descend towards the bottom so the ball comes back to you after you miss constantly. (So you don't ever have to leave your recliner to pick it up.) This is key.

Wrap the hanger so they create a guide at an approximate 45 degree descension to rest your netting on.
(Comes later.) Make it tight, also important.

Find something stiff, a piece of cardboard or something that will have a slight bend with time. Bend it 2/3 rds of the ways. Duck tape this to the front. This will provide the descent in which it falls back to you. This is important, too. (If it is a long shot you desire, make it stiff and only slightly bent. This will cause for a longer roll. If not, God help you. you are shooting buckets two feet from your ashtray.)

Now, for your net (not the one around the rim, mini hoop should come with this) that will serve as the catch and the chute to put it in the same direction of your poison of choice. When the ball falls, it should fall right next to your vice so you can pick the ball up and if you make it or depending on how bad your aim is, (this is the point of having Shootin Hoops in your house) treat yourself to your vice or console yourself in your defeat. You make the rules, (REWARD OR PUNISHMENT), I just break them.

In order to make it I used a rubber rug stop from IKEA that I had two of. I draped it around the wire hanger descending ever so slightly so it was taught at the beginning but drooped towards the middle...much like many of the intimate moments of my life which is weird now that I think of it. The link is above above but if you don't have the $1.99 I'm sure you have a bloody sheet or a trashbag that will achieve the same affect.

Affix the net to the top of the chair close the backboard. Make sure it's close to the top so it creates a ridge around the wire guides. It's hard to explain. Just see the video. No special effects. Try and make a better one and put it in the comments, I have an amazing one to beat yours. I dare you. Don't expect much from that statement cause I'm sure that there as many reading this as there were who followed Winter Olympics Curling, but I like to build myself up before I let myself down.


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Saturday, March 6, 2010

apologies from yesterday


Envelopes of Warmth

I've spent

five days wasting

In the moment between heat

And all the hope

that will keep us warm...
I have died inside

When everything that's strong inside

is warm...

but I give you an envelope

that is absolutely full of hope

and soft and warm.


bleak ... and soft to me

will be ... the storm ....


but I give you an envelope

that is always full of hope

and soft and warm


you are the best thing

that I have ever seen,

circles and their crosses have came to you

but I have given you Jesus and his hope for me.

I wait for you.

i wait for you.

i will,


wait for you.

i love you. my love. forever. More »

Friday, March 5, 2010

Roast Beef and Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Christopher Wool, If You, 1992

I did not write any of this. I reappropriated some of the words to fit a more lifelong lesson that many could use, including myself. (The reappropriations are the words in parentheses) For the full unedited article please look at Cube of M. A blog I've never read but will start. I only give you the interesting deets in the beginning. It has a very interesting Paulo Coehlo feel to it for fans of The Alchemist. For fans of the rest of his work, well, I'm sorry. It's all the same.

Click through for the meat of the non-Disney introspective-philosophically important tale. I know those two words together sound redundant but when you get introspectively philosophical you'll see that they aren't.

In 2004 I was in Brazil, walking down the hill in Lapa to get some lunch. I was with a friend who I had met in the hostel I was staying - his name was Ofer. We were having a discussion about intelligence, and what role it plays in success.

Then out of the side of the road stepped a man. He was holding a knife in one hand and a bottle in the other hand. He spoke to us in fast portugese, clearly asking us to hand over the things we held. I stood there, not very sure what to do. Ofer started speaking quickly to the man, telling the man not to rob us.

What you have to know about Ofer is that he had been an Israeli soldier. He hated violence of any form, but he knew how to be violent.

The man threw the bottle on the floor and it broke into pieces, he picked up the bottle and lunged at us. I ran a short distance off, and Ofer stood there and dodged the man, all the while talking to him. The man attacked several times, and each time Ofer just moved aside.

Then finally, Ofer kicked the weapons out of the guys hands, punched him, and he fell. He then told me to run, and we ran down the hill to the restaurant.

We sat there and he continued what we had spoken about. He said: That demonstrates what I mean. The man with the knife did not know how to use that knife. If he had been as trained in knife fighting as I was in hand combat, he would have been able to destroy me. But he had a tool that he felt gave him an advantage, but it's nothing compared to a person who has no tool, but has worked to develop what he has.

Again, this is from Cube of M not from me.

Intelligence is like a knife. If you are intelligent, you are at a clear advantage against people who are not intelligent. But if you are intelligent, and another person is not as intelligent, but the other person is willing to train harder than you, the other person will very quickly overtake you in ability.

How your intelligence will destroy you

People who are born intelligent start off life with everything easy for them. They don't have to work hard to get good grades, they never really have to do much to get ahead. The major challenge of early life is school - and school is designed for average people. So intelligent people just breeze through.

But there is a point where every intelligent person faces something that requires more than intelligence. It requires hard work, it requires the ability to fail, it requires being able to do tough tasks, boring tasks. For the first time in their life, in spite of their intelligence, these intelligent people are challenged, and they start failing. Like when they first attempt to (make themselves successful).

And that's where most of them retreat. They focus on things they can't fail on, and ignore the other important things. They start to blame other things (like vices). They procrastinate. They refuse to face new problems because they know they will not be able to handle them, and this does not fit into their worldview that they are invincible.

Let me tell another story. In 2007, I had dinner with the father of my girlfriend in Paris. He is currently a vice president at one of the top 5 consulting companies in the world. He is a jewish french immigrant from Morroco - he came in the 70s to France with no money and no connections, and he made it up to become Vice President, even though he studied to be an engineer.

I asked him: How did you do it? How did you start from being an immigrant to become executive material? He told me: I got this far because I'm intelligent. He continued: But there were many many people as intelligent as I am who graduated together with me. They are still engineers right now. The difference between me and them is that when I arrived, I knew that I did not have family here in france, I did not have connections. And I knew there were a lot of other people as intelligent as I was, and who had all these advantages. The only way to be successful then would be to gain a slight advantage over them - I had to work and train harder than they did, I had to get to know more people than they did, I had to learn more about more things that they did.

We started off equals, but at some point all the effort I put in started to pay off, and where they stopped improving themselves, I continued, and I got better and better. Where they were afraid to try new things because they would fail, I tried and I got better and knew more, till I was good enough for the job I hold now.

How this relates to you

Being intelligent is like having a knife. If you train every day in using the knife, you will be invincible. If you think that just having a knife will make you win any battle you fight, then you will fail. This believe in your own inherent ability is what will kill your (success). Success comes from the work and ability you put in becoming better than the others, and not from some brilliance you feel you may have within you.

So don't believe that the brilliance of your idea is what will make you successful. What will make you successful is when you are out there every day, doing something new, challenging yourself, trying new methods, studying new ways, having a lot of small failures, then getting better every day.

I am in no way trying to make you understand The Secret of Life. Only Dave Chappelle can do that.

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass, Awesome Rube Goldberg Video

I've never listened to these guys, but I think I'm going to have to start. This is one of the coolest music videos I've ever seen. Wired. Com explains how it was built, with how it was done videos from the band and the lab that created it, HERE.

For more mumbletomyneighbor posts on Rube Goldberg, go HERE.
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Monday, March 1, 2010

Spider Guy 27b/6 Shut Down by Australia's Government due to Censorship Laws

First things first. Australia has now joined the forward thinking China in implementing the censorship laws.

Second, the spider story above was all over the internet awhile ago. The man behind it is hilarious. His modus operandi is to start an email exchange that creeps ever so closely to borderline madness. Once he gets the victim frothing at the mouth, he tones it down and reels them back in again. Well, David Thorne (27b/6 guy)decided to have a go out the folks that implement the censorship. Well, he went a little too far and they yanked his page. Fortunately, I got the text before they did so. Here you go, it's funny. After the jump...

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 26 February 2010 8.12pm
To: Michael Harding

Subject: Censorship

Dear Mike, Thank you for your letter. At no time have I condoned the use of drugs. I simply stated that I wish to purchase and sell them at a profit. I do however understand the importance of censorship. Without an enforced system of guidance from agencies such as yours, people would be forced to exercise their own discretion. Regards, David.

From: Michael Harding
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 10.27am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Censorship

David, your obvious disrespect for authority doesn't change the fact that soliciting money for the purpose of purchasing and selling drugs is a criminal offence under South Australian law. I advise you to remove the article and I will check that you have done so by 5pm tomorrow. Yours sincerely, Michael Harding

From: David Thorne
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 10.44am
To: Michael Harding
Subject:Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Michael,Despite your assumption, I have the highest amount of respect for authority. I actually wanted to become a police officer but failed the IQ test when I arrived on time at the correct building. While not exactly a police officer, when I was about eight I desperately wanted to be Tom Selleck from Magnum PI. I painted my Standish Selecta-12 bright red and constructed a moustache by clipping a large amount of hair from the neighbour's cat and gluing it to my upper lip. This is how I discovered my allergy to cat hair. Dragged to my neighbour's house, my apology through lips the size of bananas came out as "Imsryfrctnheroffyrcat iwntdtobemgnumpi." I also wanted to be frozen and thawed out in the 25th century due to Wilma Deering's jumpsuit but despite emptying the refrigerator and sitting in it for over an hour, the only result was mild hypothermia and a belting.

I have been considering sitting the police exam again as protecting the community from burglars, murderers and blogs must be very fulfilling. I am fairly fit due to regularly thinking about jogging and I once performed a jumping jack. It was unintentional and involved a spider on the bath mat but still counts. I am also experienced in self defence and recently built a moat. Sometimes, I dress as a French mime and pretend to walk against a strong wind to the delight of those around me. Everybody loves a mime. This skill would obviously come in quite useful during police stealth operations.Due to restrictive Australian gun laws, I do not have much experience with weapons but I did construct my own bazooka when I was about ten using a length of pipe, a securely tightened end cap, a golf ball and a three to one ratio of chlorine & brake fluid. While the design was flawless, the resulting broken collar bone from the kickback and two inch hole through two plaster walls then a television set brought a swift end to my foray into ballistic research and development.
Regards, David.

From: Michael Harding
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 2.09pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

David, this isn't the first time we've received complaints regarding your website. You have until 5pm tomorrow to remove the article and I'll be checking your website regularly. You might not take this seriously but I can assure you that we do. Yours sincerely, Michael Harding

From: David Thorne
Date: Saturday 27 February 2010 3.18pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Michael, I do indeed take the matter seriously and will attempt to facilitate your request by 5pm tomorrow despite the fact that I am extremely busy this weekend. I need to bury the two dead backpackers I have in the spare room as the smell is starting to attract suspicion. And wolves. It is a fairly large job as one of the backpackers is American and will therefore require a hole several sizes larger than normal. On the plus side, the other is from England which obviously means no dental records. I could hire one of those mini bobcat tractors for the day but will probably just let the children out for a game of 'best digger gets food this week'. I am sick of hearing "I want my parents" and "Please don't lock me in the spare room again, it smells funny" but many hands, no matter how small, make light work.Also, I was watching Crime Stoppers last night and was wondering if you need anyone to play the perpetrators in crime re-enactments? I have several years acting experience convincing co-workers that I am listening and care about their relationship issues or what they did on the weekend while really thinking about robots or what would happen if a car made of diamond drove really fast into a wall made of diamond. I would prefer to play either a black professor or an Asian bus driver.

Regards, David.

From: Michael Harding
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 10.26am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

I suggest you spend the time deleting the page as you have been requested to do rather than writing about dead backpackers. What is wrong with you?

From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 2.02pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Mike,

My apologies for not getting back to you earlier, I was busy torching my vehicle. Did you know that if you report it stolen the insurance company gives you money to buy a new one? I usually do this every eleven months as it saves having to pay for an annual service.I do not have dead backpackers in the spare room. I was just being silly. There is no space in there due to the hydroponics system, pots and bags of nutrients. I read somewhere that it is ok to have up to three hundred and seventy marijuana plants for personal use. Correct me if I wrong. As I do not have a backyard and the plants take up most of the apartment, I sleep in a hammock stretched between two of the larger trunks. It is like sleeping in a jungle and sometimes I pretend I am a baby monkey. Due to the 24 hour UV lighting, my electricity bill this month is nearly four thousand dollars but I have an awesome tan. In regards to the website, rather than deleting the article, I will amend it to be about cats. Is this acceptable to you? Regards, David.

From: Michael Harding
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 2.31pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

It isn't legal to grow even one plant which I'm sure you already know. Possession of less than 100g or one plant has been decriminalised but still carries a fine. Changing the page to be about cats is fine. I will be checking to see if it has been done by 5pm. I strongly suggest that you do so.
From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 4.17pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Dear Mike,

5pm eastern standard time or ours?

Regards, David.

From: Michael Harding
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 4.41pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship

Ours. I've had enough of your nonsense. If the page is not removed or changed within the next 20 minutes I will be filing an order under the e-crimes act of 2006 to have the website shut down.

From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 28 February 2010 4.59pm
To: Michael Harding
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Censorship


Here's the full spider story...

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