Thursday, December 24, 2009

Looking For That Special Someone?

Sorry I've been so lazy lately. But there's nothing like discovering a gay thug love dating website to get these fingers tapping again. Due to mumbletomyneighbor's dedication to bringing you all things fresh and new from the online dating forum of the world wide web, I give you

This site is hilarious. It has always amazed me as to why real thugs tolerate such things as gay thugs. I mean if I walked around my hood trying to be hard they wouldn't allow that for a minute. Why is it okay for a man that openly dreams of a Jonas Bros. foursome to walk around acting hard? I find it hard to believe that Omar Little was a real person. Click through for some real life profiles from the Number 1 Gay Thug Website. (There's more than one? Good Grief...)

Here's Proof. Surporisingly they are all "Man looking for a Man"...

More »

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sara Palin : Oprah Interview Highlights

"I loooooove Porn!"

If you're like me you probably didn't get to see Sarah Palin on the Oprah Winfrey Show yesterday. I wouldn't have watched even if I could have. But boy, would I have missed out! She discussed her love of porn and how hubby Todd plows her for hours after being asked why she stepped down from the governors office. I know she's never been known to stay on topic but this is ridiculous. Click through to watch the highlights after the jump...

More »

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Make Me Mighty : Your Own Medieval Coat of Arms

Me taking a picture of my girl on the beach in Rio.

Sorry for the absence, been out with the swine flu. At least that's what i told my job. Really I was in Rio kicking it with my girl Shakira. I don't have time for a proper post, like 1,200 words on Mr. T. I did find something interesting today though to hold you over. Some people get all jazzed up over their lineage being traced back to royalty or some warlord of yore. Well, now you can just fake it. Click through with a step by step instruction of how to obtain your own badass of coat of arms for the rock bottom price of nothing. Thats right, it's free!

To start, go here:

I know the .ca made me kind of dubious, too, but then I though everything from Canada can't be shitty. I mean, Neil Young is a badass, right?

Yeah so I was lying, you just type your name in the box and it does all the work. Just do it till you get one you like. Slap it up as your desktop wallpaper and get ready to make up some bullshit story when the office fatty rolls up on you. Here's mine, (click to enlarge):

More »

Thursday, November 12, 2009


I sat down and left her for nothing as long as something came true. Her breath was warm and kept me whole. A step in the right path of unended horses fell to the trail that cowboys did. She was a woman that galloped in the right step of a show horse. She led a beautiful loser to a short sell that led the long hall to the hope that only existed in the oasis of blood that is bleeding. It is yours that will be signed in a red wonderment that will turn you in. That red will be your signature as long as your heart still pumps. More »

Monday, November 2, 2009

China's Got Talent : Monkey & Goat Walk a Tight Roap!

The internet has anything. This proves it. More »

Friday, October 30, 2009

Hot Mormon Mom Calendar

You may have seen this floating around, fortunately all the other sites don't have the photos I do. Click through for behind the scenes photo shoot. Might be NSFW due to some being in bras in panties!

This is from the video series. You can find their youtube channel HERE. That beautiful pair below belongs Letitia "Sister" Farr.

Buy the calendar HERE. For more weird cchick themed calendars, go HERE. How did i start reviewing my life is miserable.

More »

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Badasses: Sudanese Rapper, Bangs

Click poster to enlarge print and hang on your wall, ceiling or cubicle.

Yo, Yo! So check out my boy Bangs here! Dopest rapper to come out of Footscray Australia via Egypt via North Khartoum, Sudan. That's hardcore, yo! You'd think his rhymes would be about the atrocities of Africa like Chuckie Taylor, but he doesn't roll that way. He's down with the pound as far as what sells in America so he autotunes the shit out of all his songs on such topics as: girls and taking girls to the movies. His debut album Hard to Be Up is in limited release and as of right now, you can only get it at an adult book store on a side street of Leeds St.

You gotta see his dope ass video for Take Ya to Da Movies. Click thru to get the lyrics exclusively here on Mumbletomyneighbor so you can be the first to spit'em on your local block's freestyle rap off. You can cop them as your own, he's still waaaay underground. But just wait, once this jam starts burning up the charts and is in constant rotation at Hot 97, you can say he stole them from you. Instant street cred, Yo! Word up!


Yeah your boy bangs
And this track is dedicated to all the ladies out there that like to go to the movies
Especially you girl.
Let me take you to the movies, shorty
I’m sure later on you will be my baby.
Let’s just sit down be by my side.
I got the popcorn I know what else you like.

Hey shorty, you really looking nice
Let me take you to da the movies cause I know you like.
You got nothing to worry about
Hold the popcorn and the drink
Let me pay the money so we can get in.
Now hold my hand
and take a step to the door
Don’t fall
Lets sit on those two chairs alone
Watching a movie
So we can see whats going on.
If you like to watch you can lean on my chest
Take a rest do you r best.
Baby Girl


I hope you enjoyed the movie Cause I did too
Anytime you wanna go again, Just holla at me
Baby girl we can make it to be better than before
Anything you want me to do, I can do it for sure.
You can be my Cinderella
When it rains, you can stand under my umbrella
I know it make us feel better
I'm not like other boys
I'm a different guy
coming from the sky
I never lie
Just let me know if you wanna go somewhere
Yeah Boy!

Hey shorty where you at where you going can I see you later
Cause I can see you busy right now meet me at the shop at 4 o’clock don’t forget and don’t be late
I can tell you what we do when you come back
I still remember what you told me take me to the movies Friday night,
that’s right what time it is now half past three my girl be back in about half an hour
let me go and take shower dress
good put some perfume so I can smell good

(Talks in baller voice)
Yea girl you can go to the movie any time you like
but guess who you gonna call your baby boy bangs
cause he still got chance you know I mean
yeah yeah that’s right roll um

Sings softly
Let’s just sit down be by my side.
I got the popcorn I know what else you like.

Take a gander at bangs special girl:

For more Badasses, click HERE.

More »

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Amazing Tom Cruise Impersonation, he doesn't just jerk off to pictures of little boys. Dude is spot on. It's pretty funny. More »

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Jungbauernkalender : German Erotica Farm Girls Calendar

The Germans are famous for finding things erotic that most people wouldn't dream of, only second to the Japanese. Hell, they find Hasselhoff wildly entertaining. He's a bestselling musician over there, even after this cover/video catastrophe: HERE.

Staying true to typical mumbletomyneighbor fashion, I add another weird but sexy installment to the slowly growing "Calendar" tag on this site with the only other previous post on this topic being "Russian Nuclear Power Plant Goes Nuclear." Yes, the Russians or Putin made a calendar to that features ACTUAL employees of nuclear power plants that were obviously never close to the powerfully destructive Chernobyl.

However, the girls in this calendar are ALL hot. The previous, only a smattering. The difference lies primarily in the fact that a professional photographer, Jungbauern, was commissioned to cast and shoot it. He picks his ladies well. In addition to his goats, chickens and cows. They are shot scantily in the natural environment in the most artistic ways possible for this shoot. Let's just say, 2010 will be a good year. However, according to dead Mexicans, 2012, will not. For this Hollywood film studio, at least. Just kidding, every jackass in America will see it. If that includes you, you should feel ashamed.

After the jump, every girl, month by month. The above photo is December, of course. I was able to find them without the watermark so you can print them out, Photoshop yourself into them, shrink them and place them in your wallet as a girlfriend photo or on the dashboard of your shitty car or place them in your Megan Fox shrine, whatever it is that weirdos do. There is no nudity but there are few topless women covering themselves with a baby goat. Just kidding. About the goat part. Maybe NSFW. Don't forget to click to ENLARGE.

Buy It Here, I think?
More »

Monday, October 19, 2009

Welcome to Ohio, Home of The Rape Tunnel

This is hilarious. Some jackass (Richard Whitehurst) just decided to dispose of the whole "cotton candy, win you a teddy bear, Tunnel of Love, night at the carnival" that serves as a prerequisite to you getting your dipstick dipped, if you know what I mean. Under the pretense of "ART" he has a controversial new exhibit. It's called The Rape Tunnel. Basically you crawl into a long tunnel and he rapes you. Yep, come one come all, Richard says:

It could be men, women, old, young, fat, thin… anyone.

My luck, the night I got to man the Rape Tunnel would be the night the Cincinatti Bengals were visiting the museum as a public service with a group of inner city kids. This isn't Whitehurst's first shot at why didn't i think of that genius. His previous exhibit was a "Punch-You-In-The-Face-Tunnel." I'm not kidding. Guy is bursting with brilliance. Hopefully his next installation will be the "Blow-Me-And-Make-Me-A-Drink-And-Leave-Me-Alone-Tunnel." I'd go even if it was him inside. As long as he would let me stay in there a while. Unfortunately, this will probably never happen, cause the whole thing was a hoax by a website called Artlurker. I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Click through for photos of the exhibit and him as well as fraudulent interview after the jump.

This was the supposed Rape Tunnel. Looks scary right?

Richard Whitehurst, Genius-At-Large

Gawker fell for it, too, so don't feel like a dumbass. Ok then, go ahead, feel like a dumbass. Interview From Artlurker below:

Please describe the project.

In the 4D Gallery main room, I’ve constructed a 22 ft tunnel out of plywood that leads into the project room. There is no way in or out of the project room except for this tunnel. As you travel through the tunnel, it gets smaller and smaller, making it so that you have to crawl and put yourself in a submissive position in order to reach the tunnel’s destination. At the end of the tunnel the subject will find me waiting in the project room and I’ll try to the best of my ability to overpower and rape the person who crawls through.

Why rape?

Because as an artistic gesture, it’s one of the most impactful I can think of. For the past ten years Ohio’s art scene has been largely centered around a string of alternative spaces in Akron’s warehouse district, where people had been putting on art shows. At the beginning I happily participated along with everyone else but then I started to feel like it wasn’t going anywhere. It dawned on me that if the work we created had never existed the world would be no different than if it had. None of it mattered to anyone outside of our small and insignificant circle of peers. I wanted something that would have more impact.

I started to think differently about my work. In 2007 at the Seward Projects Space in Columbus, I had my first breakthrough with an installation that was to be the prototype for this current one. It was called THE PUNCH-YOU-IN-THE-FACE TUNNEL. It was the same set-up as THE RAPE TUNNEL except at the end of the tunnel I’d punch the subject in the face instead of raping him or her. The impetus was completely reactionary to the current state of art, and motivated by pure frustration.

As it turns out, I ended up breaking the nose of the third person to crawl through the tunnel, an aspiring model. She went to the hospital and eventually sued me. Her modeling career was put on hold. The civil case was long and drawn out and the matter still hasn’t been resolved. To this day she still has unpaid medical bills. The point of this long aside is that all this took place two years ago, and I’m still having an impact on this young lady’s life, something not many other artists could claim about their work.

Rape seemed like the next logical step.

But rape is way more extreme than a punch to the face. Is your intention to ruin people’s lives?

Possibly. I’m not necessarily concerned with the positive or negative effects of this project so long as there is some effect on people’s lives. I’ve merely set up a situation where there is potential to impact people in meaningful ways. Maybe I won’t be able to rape everyone who crawls through the tunnel, but the door is open for all kinds of scenarios; rape, serious injury, maybe even death. I might even get arrested.

Right now the installation isn’t even complete, and I’ve riled up a substantial portion of the local population. The installation as an idea is powerful enough itself.

By “substantial portion of the local population” are you referring to people that have been protesting this event?


How do you feel about the protesters?

I’m fine with them. They have the right to speak out against this installation. The project would be an utter failure if it didn’t create this kind of open dialogue.

Are you pro-rape?

Not really. I personally think rape is morally reprehensible and something that should generally not be allowed in our society. Most people feel this way, which is why the act is exploitable for the purposes of my work. If people were not so repulsed by rape then this project would fail.

Does this mean you’re willing to go to jail for the sake of your work?

I am. The local authorities are already threatening to have this exhibition shut down. Caroline Miffen [4D Gallery director] to her credit has hired a team of lawyers working hard to ensure that THE RAPE TUNNEL will proceed as planned. At the end of the day there’s a disclaimer on the door so people know what they’re getting into.

It would seem that what you are proposing to do will not technically constitute rape for the obvious reason that whoever enters into the tunnel is acting of their own free will, therefore making the act consensual. If you aren’t really raping anyone, doesn’t that undermine the credibility of the project?

First of all, I want to make it clear that I plan to make the experience as unpleasant as I possibly can to anyone who dares to crawl through the tunnel. I will try to the best of my ability to make them regret their decision.

Secondly, rape is not always a black and white issue. The definition is argued almost everyday in courtrooms around the country. The woman who gets too drunk one night and regrets having sex the next morning, was she raped or not? There is no easy answer. I hope some of that ambiguity will manifest itself in this project.

Do you have any limitations on the kind of person you’ll rape?

None whatsoever. It could be men, women, old, young, fat, thin… anyone.

What if a police officer crawls through the tunnel?

Then I will probably go to jail. But before that I’ll try my very best to sexually assault him or her. The tunnel is constructed in such a way that it gets smaller the closer you get to the project room. The bigger you are, the more difficult it is to comfortably crawl out. And trust me, I have a lot of secrets up my sleeve to ensure that I can overpower anyone that comes through the tunnel.

Where do you go from here then, a “Murder Tunnel”?

No. That would be too much like repeating myself. I’ve thought about this long and hard.

I’m in danger of painting myself into a corner here and I fear that the sensational aspects of my work might overshadow my ultimate message. If I could somehow cure some disease in the name of art, that would be interesting.

The problem with most of today’s art is that it’s being created for a world that doesn’t want or need it. So many other lesser modes of expression have taken the place once held by art in the culture. I’m trying to totally reconfigure art’s importance in the world and make it meaningful. The process will take a long time. I’m not really sure what the next step will be. I’d rather concentrate on the current project[.]

Here's a link to the admittance of guilt.
More »

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Badassvertising : Domestic Abuse Public Service Announcement

Again, something disturbing that I find to be hilarious.VIA Larocca More »

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Japanese Sniper Prank or (Watch a Dude Piss Himself on TV)

We all know that people in Japan are crazy. Their sexual fetishes alone leave me in disbelief. But their attempts to outdo everyone rarely shows itself as often as it does on television. Youtube Japanese commercials and you'll get thousands of examples. Almost every one of them have nothing to do with the products they're hawking and make you feel as if you just dropped 2 sugarcubes of acid and are listening to Pink Floyd - The Wall at your local planetarium. Their game shows are awesome and apparently so is their version of Candid Camera...uh...I mean Punk'd, is way awesome. They bring some guy in to interview him and then pretend to snipe (assassinate) everyone in the room.

Dude thinks he's about to be murdered. Look at the cute girl in the inset laughing her ass off. Sure he pissed himself. Guy almost has a heart attack and then they all come in and start laughing that full bodied Japanese belly laugh that most idiots do after leaving a sushi restaurant drunk as an American skunk. This prank would only work in Japan. Watch the video after the jump.


More »

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Ten Feet Tall on Madison Avenue or Anger Mgmt. Issues

Last night I put a bunch of new stuff on my new talking iPod shuffle that I won courtesy of this new contact management site called, and am stoked to hear the newer Grizzly Bear record, so I start shuffling through my playlists and its not recognizing my awesomely clever names. You see, the Shuffle has no viewing screen, instead it talks to you and reads your playlists. So, of all my playlists have some sort of profanity in them because I am entertained by hearing a computer swear. This is the reason I immediately become exhasperated. And then it turns into anger because I realize I can't listen to the record because I can't find it. By now the rage is swelling to the point of "punch a homeless person fury," but I soldier on, settle into T Rex and go to work. Then I realize the shuffle function isn’t working as I’m about to get off the train. I’m about to throw the iPod into oncoming traffic when the T Rex album finishes and the next album comes on. Ted Nugent – Stranglehold. And all of a sudden I feel 10 feet tall. This is the perfect jam for walking down Madison Avenue or beating your girlfriend. This is an 8 minute epic song with awesome dirt rock lyrics like,






So it’s definitely for fans of the guitar. I don’t know how it compares to that dirty hippy music ( READ : FISH, WIDE SPREAD PANIC, STRING CHEESE INCIDENT or any other uber gay name you can think of...) you all like, but it’s pretty awesome. So if you all will excuse me, I’m gonna go start a fight with small mexican delivery guy from the restaurant across the street.. I’m pretty sure I can take him

More »

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Dutchess and The Duke - Mary

I rarely find any new music that turns me on anymore. Mostly because I'm a jaded bastard that is predetermined to categorize everything as sh*tty. Fortunately, there are those out there that are young and full of hope and their glass is always half full and the liquid inside is that sweet heavenly amber that us mortals call whiskey. One of those folks did me the favor of sifting through muck and turned me on to this gem of a band. He's an old fat bastard, too, so I don't feel like I should be on To Catch a Predator for listening to kiddie's music. You shouldn't either. He's a really great lyricist and the recording sounds like it's from the 70's so that's a plus. Just watch the video and put away the peanut butter. "There, there (stroking matted head of hair)....that's a good boy, mommy still loves you...shhhhhh..."

More »

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Ghana Mobile Movie Posters

There are two things you should know about Ghana. they are one of the world's largest producers of cocoa and that they made the most badass movie posters in the 1980's. Seeing as 30% live below the $1.25 international poverty line (yes, in other countries you have to make enough to buy a candy bar a day to be considered middle class) no one had televisions or VCRs. Some aspiring entrepreneurs got together to take advantage of these peoples lack of candy bars and brought the movies to them. In order to promote their arrival they would hire local artists to hand paint movie posters. Most of the artists never even saw the movies as evidenced by the CUJO poster above. The results are hilarious. After the jump I've collected a few. The last one is NSFW, unless looking at a hand drawn, big breasted woman getting attacked by cats is cool at your work, if so, then please let me know where you work. It's the poster for Stephen King's Sleepwalkers, by the way and the poster gives away the awesome ending. So thanks for that, Ghana.

I forgot to mention that these posters are really expensive. This Steven Seagal poster is going for $195.00. You can buy it HERE. Yeah right, like you have a $195.


Thanks for the link Larocca.

More »