Bollywood's Chiranjeevi Would Kick Chuck Norris's Ass

Warning: Many horses and extras were violently injured in the making of this awesome chase scene.

Ask an American what the best chase scene in cinematic history and they say bullshit like Bullit! Or The Man With Golden Gun! If they are a badass they'll say, Smokey and the Bandit. Ask any Indian (dots, not arrows...) or anyone thats a true movie expert and they will tell you it's Alluda Majaka starring India's version of Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Stallone and Schwarzenegger and Jean Claude Van Damme all rolled into one. Chiranjeevi! I mean, just look at this dude!

This a doctor smoking a cigarette with a gun who can kick Chuck Norris's ass.

Click thru for the most badass chase scene you will ever see. As well as a TRACTOR FIGHT. That is all.




PopTen

More »

Fill in the Blank: Marmaduke = Dog _ _ _ _

Owen Wilson! Keifer Sutherland! Fergie! All in one movie! My Dreams have come true! Oh wait...it's about dogs? No...they are dogs? No...they are the voices of dogs? Oh, then this movie must be dogshit. Seriously, this must be one step of the 12 in dealing with addiction cause i see no reason why this pill popper/alcoholic/meth whore (respectively) would ever sign on to do a movie like this. I mean, come on, if George Lopez is invited to the party going to the party should not be an option. A drive by, yes, devoting a few months of your life in voice over work is a definite no.I would rather get mouth raped with a crowbar than sit through this piece of shit. But uh...do me a favor and watch the trailer while nodding in agreement. More »

Hard Ticket to Hawaii Online

Wow, this movie is awesome. A piece of cinematic genius that makes Die Hard look like a home movie. IMDB summarizes the movie as follows:

Two drug enforcement agents are killed on a private Hawaiian island. Donna and Taryn, two operatives for The Agency, accidentally intercept a delivery of diamonds intended for drug lord Seth Romero, who takes exception and tries to get them back. Soon other Agency operatives get involved, and a full-scale fight to the finish ensues, complicated here and there by an escaped snake made deadly by Toxic Waste!

If they wanted to be more accurate they should have said:

Two big breasted Playboy Playmates (Dona Speir,March 1984 & Hope Marie Carlton July 1985) hang with 2 badasses, one of which whose name is "Rowdy Abilene" who track down bad guy druglords, actions scenes have razor bladed frisbees and crack dialogue such as, "If brains were bird crap, your cage would be clean."

They ingeniously reshow ALL the nude scenes (of which there are plenty) during the credits. That's the way to keep'em in their seats. The DVD even has easter eggs or hidden footage (of fifteen seconds of naked chicks) that the normal viewer wouldn't know about. (This is just for serioous pervs but to access go to Main Menu, highlight Bonus Features and press right.) The director Andy Sidaris is very loyal to the girl/gun genre. This is one of his first films so he has yet to perfect the art of...well, directing. To get an idea of how awesomely bad the character/action scenes are in this movie watch the clip after the jump. And I even found a copy you can watch online so you don't have to witness the embarrassment that comes with the snobbish video clerk silently judging you behind his zits and glasses. I'm telling you, I haven't witnessed anything this bad since my elementary school rendition of Little Donkey in the third grade. Enjoy.




Watch Hard Ticket to Hawaii online streaming, HERE.

Other mumbletomyneighbor movie reviews, go HERE.

More »

Kevin Smith Talks About Tim Burton/Nic Cage's Superman

Kevin Smith is a funny, funny dude. Here he tells a 20 minute story about how the Death of Superman movie was squashed after years of rewriting and director hirings and firings since being started in 1994. Kevin Smith was brought on after his success with Clerks and being asked to direct Chasing Amy. Well Jon Peters was to be the producer and he wanted Kevin Smith to write it but he gave him a few conditions.
Peters wanted him to write the script so as to never see Superman in his costume (it was gay), never see him fly and to have him fight a giant spider for the finale. Oh, and he wanted their to be a gay robot in it to serve as an addition for merchandising profits. Click through for his hilarious telling of the story and all the evidence you need of why Hollywood is the biggest bunch of dumbasses of any industry or evidence of what someone who does entirely too much blow might think.


Kevin went ahead with a few rewrites of the script and then Tim Burton came in. Needless to say, he wanted a different script by his own team of writers. Kevin was canned, Nicolas Cage signed on, the movie was then put on hold after both Burton and Cage quit and was finally put to rest some years later. Needless to say, this would've been one of the biggest pieces of shit in Hollywood history.

Jon Peters

VIA
More »

Rambo 5 : Science Fiction Thriller! WTF?

This is insane. Rambo must be suffering from dementia. Apparently he forgot he's Rambo and not Arnie Scwartzy from Predator. He is supposed to be slaughtering whichever bad guys America's political regime is currently at war with. Which, last time I checked, there are no healthcare insurance companies remotely fucking close to the Arctic Circle!

Check out the synopsis after the jump!

John Rambo could track anyone - or anything - on earth. Now the military desperately needs him for a mission that his ultrasensitive instincts tell him he should refuse. A beast is loose somewhere north of the Artic Circle. It has already decimated a secret research facility and annihilated a squad of elite military guards. And the raging creature is headed south toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation.

It's a job that Rambo and his 22-year-old hunting partner, Beau Brady, can't turn down, but they and a team of highly-skilled special forces kill team discover that the prey is a terror beyond their wildest imagination - a half-human abomination created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed genetic experiments. It has man's cunning, a predator's savageness, and a prehistoric power that has transcended the ages. And even if Rambo and Beau survive its unrelenting hunger for human blood, they'll still have to confront the grim reality that it may have grown immortal.

via Horror-Movies

More »

RAMBO V : DONATE BLOOD

What Rambo looks like now...
If you paste his head on Kim Jong Il's naked body, that is.

[UPDATE : Variety pulls their heads out of their asses and confirms what I told you about a year ago. Post, plot lines and spoilers after the jump!]


WTF? Rambo 5? Hollywood finally pulled their heads out of their asses and is starting to make real movies again! Enough of that arty, cutsie, love bug movies! I want some blood! And so does Rambo, cause he's like 80 and is in need of dialysis twice a day...

Rambo V will focus on him wheeling himself around and pitifully asking, "Donate blood to a war veteran? Donate blood, please sir?" It will be reality TV at its worse. And 2 hours long. And you have to pay $11.50 to see it. Hey, but at least they didn't have to pay Stallone to write another winner of a script!

[SPOILER ALERT: Rambo dies at the end! What you think anyone is gonna pay attention to a B-List has been long enough to donate blood? Gimme a break people, this is Hollywood!]

I like to think back when Rambo was awesome. Taking a gander at the Rambo death chart helps do that, even though it reminds me that Rambo only killed one person in the first one. Don't believe me? Click through for the stats.




Confirmation via Variety
More »

Movie Night : The Corndog Man

Oh my, I'm really loving this Netflix. I know, I know, shit is old, but I don't even have a bank account, so give me a break. Last night I discovered this gem of a movie, The Corndog Man. Relax, relax! No need in you getting so excited that you gotta change your pants! THIS IS NOT A MOVIE ABOUT CORNDOGS! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A MOVIE ABOUT CORNDOGS!

Although, that's what immediately made me watch it. Sometimes I start jonesing for foods from my child hood or something I used to eat years ago. So I'll start looking around my hood to find it and realize something strange. Mexicans don't eat Cheese Whiz? Blacks don't eat beef jerky?

So then I'll have to make the pain in the ass trip, (like 3 trains), to the mecca that is Pathmark (also my former employer, loooong story). It is a huge building on Atlantic Avenue that has just about everything. So of course, they had corndogs. In boxes of 14 or some other weird number. The first night after the purchase I ate 7 of them over the course of the evening. Yeah, I really love me some corndogs.

I also love movies. Alot. That's pretty much all I do seeing as I have no friends and have no problem talking/arguing to myself for hours. So you see the reason for the excitement from the movie title, Corndog Man. The only thing better, I think, would have been The Corndog Whiskey Man. But then I probably would have had a heart attack. Click through for an awesome clip from the movie regarding guinea pigs and review. Also, the link to watch it streaming online. DVD quality, of course. No Netflix needed.




The film features Noble Willingham, a name you may not recognize, but may know his face. He was in Paper Moon and The Last Picture Show as well as appearances on Quantum Leap and a ton of other TV shows. He also ran for congress in Texas, but lost. So, in short, he wasn't much of a success in acting or politics, but he knocks it out of the park in this one. I feel the character wasn't that far from himself in real life. Think Mickey Rourke and the Wrestler.

The film follows the now deceased Ace Barker (Willingham) as a boat salesman for Triple K (KKK?) Marine in South Carolina. He's obviously a top notch salesman, that is until he begins to receive non stop phone calls from a man who doesn't make clear his purpose until the latter half of the movie. The phone calls are so incessant they ruin his life. Coworkers just sit round and watch and tally their sales gained versus his lost, with smiles on their faces while watching some fat office girl piss in the bathroom. (Dont ask, the movie is pretty weird) Why Ace doesn't make a greater effort to stop them by involving authorities, I don't know. Hey, it's a movie with the word corndog in the title so forgive and move on.

The caller claims to be his son. He also has the greatest voice and accent I've heard in awhile. According to an Imdb reviewer:

Corndog Man is loosely based on two series of prank phone calls. The classic Red and the Tube Bar calls from the 1970s and a less well-known series of calls to Allied Motors made (I believe) in the late 80s. Comments about blue britches and snappy dressing are right out of the Allied Motors tapes as is Ace Barker's phone answering technique. Many stories circulated about the ultimate fate of Red from the Tube Bar in Jersey City, this film is a witty southern version of one of those tales. Source

The southern dialect themed one liners are awesome. The plot is there as is the mystery and it's funny as hell at times. Watching Ace turn into a shell of a man is both satisfying and heart wrenching. So call up your girlfriend and tell her to bring her two kids over from a previous marriage. Stock up on corndogs and whiskey and make it a family movie night!


Rating: The Corndog Man











VERY NSFW LANGUAGE, BEWARE, CLIP STARTS AUTOMATICALLY AFTER CLICKING LINK

To watch the clip From The Corndog Man: "Where's My Guinea Pig?"
Click HERE. (Slow to load, but it works, also need Flash)


Watch it streaming at the link that follows from Lycos. They have an interesting feature that allows you to watch it with others online. I propose the drinking game of taking a shot every time he says "daddy." Enjoy. Watch The Corndog Man online. It's also instantly playable on Netflix if you're rich.

All other MOVIE reviews are HERE.
More »

RAMBO V : DONATE BLOOD

What Rambo looks like now...
If you paste his head on Kim Jong Il's naked body, that is.

WTF? Rambo 5? Hollywood finally pulled their heads out of their asses and is starting to make real movies again! Enough of that arty, cutsie, love bug movies! I want some blood! And so does Rambo, cause he's like 80 and is in need of dialysis twice a day. Rambo V will focus on him wheeling himself around and pitifully asking, "Donate blood to a war veteran? Donate blood, please sir?" It will be reality TV at its worse. And 2 hours long. And you have to pay $11.50 to see it. Hey, but at least they didn't have to pay Stallone to write another winner of a script!

[SPOILER ALERT: Rambo dies at the end! What you think anyone is gonna pay attention to a B-List has been long enough to donate blood? Gimme a break people, this is Hollywood!]

I like to think back when Rambo was awesome. Taking a gander at the Rambo death chart helps do that, even though it reminds me that Rambo only killed one person in the first one. Don't believe me? Click through for the stats.







More »

Crackheads Gone Wild 4

Well, the 4th installment of this harrowing series has now started it's hoodvertising campaign. They're covering SUVs and driving around the neighborhoods politicians consider undesirable. This is the official trailer for Part 2. It's heavy.

More »