Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Kids Are So Funny!

You know, I'm always seeing or hearing a kid somewhere blathering on and being all, "Mommy I'm hungry!" or "When's Daddy coming home?" or in the case of my upstairs neighbors, "Please stop burning me with a curling iron." Point is they are really annoying and totally kills the vibe of my Eight is Enough reruns. However, a buddy of mine introduced me to a blog the other day, Take A Report which is pretty hilarious, and this guy, I really got to hand it to him, he always finds a way to keep his chin up. I mean, here he has this double life, VP of Citibank by day, lecherous drunken blogger by night. And I'll be damned if I know how he kept them separate for so long. Unfortunately, they connected on the intrawebs and his bosses found out he was the man behind a fairly popular blog and fired him. Probably because they didn't consider this behavior "professional":

"Got in the office around 6:15 Friday morning, and thank God the place was pretty empty. Stumbled to the Mens Room near the back of my floor and I saw some boxes against the wall just outside of the can. There was a woman’s overcoat laying across the boxes. I think someone left it there to be thrown out. Or maybe someone just left it there to leave it there… I really have no fucking idea. Anyhoo, I grab the coat and bring it into the handicap stall. I take a dump… I throw up in that same bowl… I lay the coat out on the floor of the spacious stall… I take off my glasses… I sleep for twenty minutes on top of the coat… I get up… Put on my glasses… Leave the coat in the stall… Gargle… And walk back to my desk thinking to myself, “What kind of disgraced animal steals a stranger’s coat and sleeps on it in a public bathroom?”

But there is a lesson to be learned here, DON'T LET YOUR BLOG GET TOO POPULAR BECAUSE THEN YOU WILL GET FIRED. Which is why I keep turning out worthless drivel. I NEED MY JOB! So seeing as he has a lot more time on his hands and all you readers probably only want to read the stories of being a lecherous drunk, I'm sure I just lost 90% of my reader base. You're welcome, Large.

Remember how I said he always seems to keep his chin up? Find the silver lining? Here I am bitching and moaning about kids and he finds the fun in them! A video from Youtube, from a post on his website:

Oh I guess I should have marked that NSFD(aycare).

Take his report.

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