In my extensive research on the Juggalo Gang Posse from Utah I found out a few things.
1. They are 4,000 strong
2. They are from Utah
3. They paint their faces like clowns
4. The name comes from what is regarded to be a fan of Insane Clown Posse (a female is a juggalette)
5. They like to kidnap little boys
Gay KidnapperMore info on Juggalos and photo collection after the jump.
As defined by one poster on ebaums world:
A juggalette is a morbidly obese and/or borderline-retarded 16-year-old girl who has zero friends and listens to the Insane Clown Posse religiously. Scientists have, within the last year, been able to prove that if you look into their eyes, you WILL turn into a cheeseburger and they WILL engage in an eat attack. They typically have worst-case-scenario acne and their love life does not exist beyond internet cybersex with juggalos.__________________
Interesting Facts:
* 90% of all juggalettes have penises.
* Juggalettes can rarely spell properly.
* They are almost always captured when the bait is a stick of butter.
* All Juggalettes have throat chlamydia.
* They harbor extreme swamp crotch and when in close proximity, the aroma will seep into your lungs and you WILL die.
* Most have an outer layer of lard around the brain that slows even the most basic cognitive ability.
* "Juggalo For Life-a-low"
* "I'm down with the clown till I'm dead in the ground."
Juggalo Skillz
Aside from planning their afterlife in Shangri-la, some Juggalos have become good at stuff. Juggalo 'skillz' include:
* Whining
* Necrophilia
* Mime
* Taking your order with a smile
* Gaining weight
* Buying 60 dollar t-shirts
They also like to design the most horrible websites in the world talking about their sexual exploits. check out this one, he's famous.
The text is a little hard to read so i'll make it bigger for you:"hey hey hey WHAT UP NINJA"S!!! life has been BUSY as fuck for this juggalo, this last weekend i made my big vegas porn movie premeir, at first i tried out for the part of COCKLOSUS in "seX-MEN 2" but it being my first tyme out, and me being a lil camra shy, i ended up settleing for a cameo appirenece in "the PHAT and the FURIOUS 9" if you check it out i'm in costume, i play the donkey."So be sure and put that one on your netflix folks. Sex Men 2. I have collected a few photos of this notorious band of miscreants for your viewing pleasure.
Real gangs from Cracked.
[EDIT]
Seeing as this post has generated a few comments from actual juggalos. One from a real life "RETARD" juggalo who claims he is nothing like the Juggalos profiled in this post, however his comment is rife with misspellings and open ended threats. The second "enlightened" juggalo tries to align being a juggalo with some ancient chinese mysticsm. However with lyrics sucha as this "Sometimes I put em in a bowling bag and bring em to work, play with their hair under my desk with my barefoot" I have to say, "STFU." I an't buying it. Especially after watching the documentary that follows. Juggaloalex420 says that a real juggalo is not a sheep. To that I say "BAAAA." How can throwing a festival hours from civilization that lasts for multiple day with the only source of food, water, beer and merchandise come from Insane Clown Posse not be a sheepfest? Oh and they charge your dumbasses $150 bucks a ticket. To give them all your money, all weekend.
For an hour and a half of enough d - baggery to last a lifetime watch for free online...
The Juggalo Gathering Documentary : A Family Underground
UPDATE: Want more on Juggalos? here
25 comments:
The kidnapper looks eerily like the mom from the previous story.
Your fucking stupid, Juggalos are not like that at all ... maybe you should research in more places of the world before you make a dumb ass remark like you did here ... I'm a true juggalo just like all my brothers and sisters out there ... your too fucked in the head to realize that not everyone on this earth is the same. so fuck the fuck off love your favorite juggalo (I HATE YOUR ASS AND I PLAN ON COMING TO YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT) S.Y.K.O. peace bitch I'm out.
First off, the term Juggalo is uni-sexual. A juggalo is someone who has been saved by the dark carnival. Many people don't recognize the intelligence behind the music. It is satire. Their intention is to influence people to free their minds (the most beautiful thing in the world to experience, recipe for wisdom = weed and music). We are anti-predjudice(sexism, racism,etc.) We know that karma is real and don't see life in black and white, but with more colors than a gay pride parade.
A Juggalo is someone who lives for themself, meaning they realize that if you care what other people think about you and try hard to be accepted, then you will always be a slave to your own mind. A Juggalo is someone who enjoys life to the fullest they possibly can and stops "to smell the roses"(meaning living your life in the moment). It's not about having all the gear, posters, albums and trivia knowledge. You don't have to know what faygo or a neden is or even have ever heard of psychopatic records in order to be a Juggalo. A Juggalo is an enlightened/reawakened person with a discovered wisdom beyond their years.
Yes, there are hound dogs who haven't discoved what the dark carnival is really about and perhaps sadly, never will and just really want to belong somewhere and have a loving family they never had. That is what you find with the fam-MMFL. Sure, there are many posers/'trashy people' around at shows and mini-gatherings, but a real juggalo would show them love anyway in order to show them who we are and what we represent and welcome them to a life free of worries and shame and regret, where you are free to not give a fuck with wonderful people who think like you and have felt like you in the past.
If you're a real juggalo, then love and understanding flows naturally. Yes, there are hound dogs/posers that haters stereotype us as, but we were all that at first (and you know it homie so shut up). The important think is that we KNOW who we are now and pity haters who don't know. We look past the superficial and easily see through bullshit.
Our philosophy is the golden rule with a twist; treat others the way you want to be treated, but don't take any shit. We see all human beings as equal. We give respect where it is deserved, but don't put ANYONE on a pedistal. We appreciate the psychopathic family's efforts, especially ICP(ya, I said it), to fish us out of the "hole" we were in and true juggalos are extremely greatful for their replenished, loving soul.
True Juggalos know they don't NEED the music anymore. We are now able to care for others and try to help all that we can. A true Juggalo doesn't limit their musical taste and may appreciate/listen to all types of music.
Most importantly, a realass Juggalo is not a sheep. They are leaders and independent and free-thinking role models. We Juggalo family recognize real fam when we meet them. We don't try to be somebody else. We are realass people, real as they come. We speak our mind and keep it real and hate acting fake with a "good, how are you?"
Very importantly, we see our glass as half full instead of half empty. We appreciate what and who we have in our lives instead of focusing on the negative like we used to. So yes, real Juggalos are optimistic people who used to be pessimistic during a dark time in our lives when we had given up and forgotten love.
Thanks to the message of the dark carnival, we now know that GOD is love, been forgiven, and will never be duped by the lyingass demons again. Stay strong my Ninjas.
And Juffalos, stop talkin shit like I put babies in blenders or I'm gonna assfuck Eminem. What the fuck is that?
First and foremost I would like to know where you have been getting your research material. Also are you so stupid as to believe any of that BS? Juggalos are not from Utah, they are from just about every city in the U.S. and all across the world. We are not a gang though most assholes consider us one. We are simply a large group of people who share the same ideals and opinions, a FAMILY if you will. Secondly, Juggalettes are of many shapes and size, skinny, fat, or in between, and we do not jusge them for the way they look. Not all juggalos paint their face, it is a personal choice. And none of us are serial killers or murderers so get off of your high horse! BTW, start doing your research on Wikipedia from now on, don't listen to all these hate sites and find the real info next time!
Psychopathic Slim
"Whoop Whoop"
According to the documentary, The Gathering : A Family Underground, Juggalos are worldwide. However, the documentary confirms that Juggalettes do not come in all sizes but only ONE size. That size being PLUS SIZES, of course.
Well you got one thing right, Juggalo's suck!!!!! "But why black people hate white people", should B changed to why some punk as racist bitch wants 2 start a race war & then probably complains about how racist he world is when you're the one starting shit! So have a nice day... if U don't choke & die 1st from sucking on your dads dick be-atch!
I am a Juggalette and Im not stupid, I have graduated from high school and I never repeated any grades or failed a class. And what is with the Black and White hate thing? Juggalos are of all colors and we don't see each other as different, we see each other as family. I would much rather belong to my Juggalo family than be so ignorant as to stereotype people for the type of music they listen to or the life they choose to live. I am proud to be a Juggalette and will be one for the rest of my life and I will keep on loving my family, they will always have my back and I will always have their's. Now do more research before you decide to post something like this, it just makes you sound like an idiot. Oh, and stop hating people because they aren't "normal". Whatever the hell normal is.
Giggles the Clown
Dear Jiggles the Clown (this is too easy) just because you never failed a class and graduated from high school is not proof positive that you are not an idiot. Keep it jigglin!
And just because you say something doesn't mean it is true. And its Giggles. Asshole
LOL! I just have to laugh at your stupidity! I am a Juggalette and all I have to say is that your blog is incorrect. I am almost 21, I, before I was pregnant weighed 135lbs. I am not morbidly obese. I have over 30 friends. "Scientists have, within the last year, been able to prove that if you look into their eyes, you WILL turn into a cheeseburger and they WILL engage in an eat attack." What the Fuck? This just proves how big of an idiot you really are. My love life is my fiance'. I DO NOT have a penises. I can spell just fine. I cant be captured.I DO NOT have any STD's of the throat or any part of my body. Between my legs are non of your business and it doesn't smell there at all. "I'm down with the clown till I'm dead in the ground" you have no idea what that stands for.
I have read your "factual" blog and have found some mistakes maybe you should go back and re-do your blog, and this time with the truth. You don't know the truth about being a Juggalo/Juggalette
BTW: I have 2 black cousin and I love then, they are awesome, maybe you just want us to have a problem, in reality we don't. What we do have a problem with is people like you tellin the world what we aren't.
-Forest
Well said Forest. I rest my case. Thanks for sharing, though. Next?
Rest your case on what? You will never know the truth about what we are, your blinded to whats said and not what we really are. (I forgive you for your false information about us)
and so you know, there are black Juggalos.
I don't understand why you haven't fired your fact checker. Juggalos/juggalettes around the globe share one unbreakable truth, we are FAMILY. Black, white, brown, yellow or whatever, it's all the same with paint on. I can't believe you stated that we kidnap anyone, that's just crap. And honestly, not many of us fit your narrow and predjudiced stereo-type. I am intelligent, articulate and attractive. I feel sorry for you, did a clown scare you as a child? But hey, way to piss of a million people who like to swing hatchets.
I'm not sure what you all are referring to about facts. I stated that a group of Juggaloes kidnapped a boy in Utah. I provided a credible news outlet with a link. It's a fucking FACT. You all cite yourselves as intelligent, however, every comment here from those who do are riddled with misspellings, horrible grammar and rantings that could qualify you as a lunatic. Stop "swinging hatchets" and start reading books, jackass.
I just realized the original link doesn't work. (post is over a year old) Here's a new link for all those Juggalos too retarded to open their eyes and see that they do not act as one. Gay Juggalos Kidnap Utah Boy
man wtf mumble ur a fucking retard u say were retarded i bet if u just took five minutes and stepped back and look back on ur life you would not be happy with the way u been living and me as a fellow juggalo i am very happy with my life and that is great for me before i was a juggalo i was miserable just like u are and juggalos are all equal no racism or predjudist against anyone before u start dissing on people u dont even know why wont u read up on us a little bit dumbass u could use an eye opener
mmfwcl whoop whoop
shut the fuck up, bitch. you step to one of us you better step to the whole crew.
Having known two people in middle school who are now "Juggalos" I have to say the authors description is eerily spot on even before they became Juggalos. Also while I'm not saying there aren't any "cool"(what I mean by this is someone I would like to be friends with or even talk to) Juggalos but i have yet to meet one. Also the whole gang mentality of the "Family" is really obnoxious don't say anything rude to a Juggalo or they will try to "step" :\ Obviously this whole post is all opinion.
Thanks for posting the documentary, it's quite the eye opener, and I must say that I for one would sooner attend a four day long Alcoholics Anonymous marathon than to find myself being remotely within earshot of one of these so called gatherings.
That being said, if this "dark carnival" mysticism offers some kind of spiritual salvation for the personality types that find themselves attracted to its ambiguity, then all the motherfuckin' power
to them and shit, yo.
So then, what are some of the differences between some "juggalo" who is quick to embrace this strange fetishist culture surrounding Psychopathic records, and someone like me who deems it to be irritatingly mind-numbing at best, and repulsively retarded at its worst? Dare I make generalizations and suppositions regarding the typical everyday juggalo and what sorts of events in their lives might have led to their joining the Psychopathic "family?"
The difference between you and them lies squarely in the choice of pleasure centers. I suppose you would prefer getting gang-raped by a nymphonious pack of bisexual lesbians whereby Juggaloes would prefer to be gang-raped by a pack of bisexual bears with AIDS. You are fine my friend. Keep reading.
You think Juggalettes are stupid? Not all of us are, thank you very much. I find your description of us VERY inaccurate and rude. We do NOT cyber with Juggalos, we do NOT have swamp crotch(ugh), We are not all fat, and We do NOT have penises. So far as I know, I haven't had a typo in my comment, I have nearly perfect grammar, and I'm not chowing down on butter.
Next time you want to bash Juggalos and Juggalettes, please, get your facts straight. I just hope you realize, you're an idiot and I also hope you get hit by a nice big semi-truck.
Have a wonderful freaking day!
WOW! I read all of those comments. And have to say that this guy who wrote this blog is all on opinion from the influential world. I as well am a Juggalette. This guy apparently has no clue on what he is saying. I think he just wants to belong somewhere. It's like he doesn't want to be hated by the world like us juggalo's/lettes are, so he decided to join the rest of the stereo-typical low lives who hate for no reason. I just don't get it. I mean i have plenty of friend's most of them non-lo's or lettes. And they see me for the person I portray not the music I listen to. Just cause we have a different sense of style, taste in music, and have a family who loves us(including those that aren't blood relatives)doesn't mean that we should be frowned upon. I think that people who spend their time writing these blogs and making up exaggerating stories about us must have very boring sad lives. We don't expect anyone to be like us. We just want everyone to be themselves. Don't follow the crowd. I'm just saying that this guy really should take the time to get to know the juggalo family before he judges us on appearances. Can't judge a book by its cover ya know. If he can't get pass his biased opinion maybe we as people should stop fueling his fire. Quit responding to his bullshit blogs and remarks. You can't have a fire without oxygen. Nobody likes to be ignored and eventually it will die down. Remember? Juggalos and lettes don't give a shit about peoples opinions on us. We know who we are. Whoop Whoop to tha Family! Much Mutha Fuckin Wicked Killa Klown Love to the homies. Keep it fresh. <3
The Sad Life of a Juggalo!!!
I'm a mother of two Juggalos, one 19 and the other 16. I have been trying for a couple of years to get them to quit this "Gang." It's been nothing but heartache and trouble ever since they've been involved. Everything from fighting to stealing and doing drugs. Their so called "Family" is nothing but a made up group of stoners, drop-outs and thieves (the cream of the crop). A lot of these kids come from disfunctional homes and some are even homeless, they spend their nights begging for money.
It's really big out here in our community, Santa Clarita, California. There have been reported incidences of Rapes, Kidnappings, Robberies and Drugs. They really are no different from any other gang.
My 16 year old is getting help from a psychologist, but he refuses to leave the Juggalos. It's a tough road to go down, please think twice before ever getting involved with this gang or any other.
http://www.SayNoToJuggalos.weebly.com
The Sad Life of a Juggalo!!!
I'm a mother of two Juggalos, one 19 and the other 16. I have been trying for a couple of years to get them to quit this "Gang." It's been nothing but heartache and trouble ever since they've been involved. Everything from fighting to stealing and doing drugs. Their so called "Family" is nothing but a made up group of stoners, drop-outs and thieves (the cream of the crop). A lot of these kids come from disfunctional homes and some are even homeless, they spend their nights begging for money.
It's really big out here in our community, Santa Clarita, California. There have been reported incidences of Rapes, Kidnappings, Robberies and Drugs. They really are no different from any other gang.
My 16 year old is getting help from a psychologist, but he refuses to leave the Juggalos. It's a tough road to go down, please think twice before ever getting involved with this gang or any other.
http://www.SayNoToJuggalos.weebly.com
The Sad Life of a Juggalo!!!
I'm a mother of two Juggalos, one 19 and the other 16. I have been trying for a couple of years to get them to quit this "Gang." It's been nothing but heartache and trouble ever since they've been involved. Everything from fighting to stealing and doing drugs. Their so called "Family" is nothing but a made up group of stoners, drop-outs and thieves (the cream of the crop). A lot of these kids come from disfunctional homes and some are even homeless, they spend their nights begging for money.
It's really big out here in our community, Santa Clarita, California. There have been reported incidences of Rapes, Kidnappings, Robberies and Drugs. They really are no different from any other gang.
My 16 year old is getting help from a psychologist, but he refuses to leave the Juggalos. It's a tough road to go down, please think twice before ever getting involved with this gang or any other.
http://www.SayNoToJuggalos.weebly.com
Post a Comment